Three Lives..... Part One: Amy
Loss.
On a Saturday night while Lynda was away I attended a meeting that is held close to home. I hadn't checked the start time and was a bit surprised that it was already underway when I arrived. I settled in standing at the back of the room in the coffee corner alongside an old friend, Linda S. While the speaker was up front doing his thing I was scanning the crowd to see who all I knew and wanted to talk to after the meeting. 'Yup, know him...& him. Can't recall his name but we've talked. Oh, there is whats her name...Kate?' Turned out I knew about half the folks there, maybe 25 of 50. Right at the end of the meeting they present chips for various lengths of sobriety, working down from 9 months to 6, 3, 2, 1 month and then the 24 hour chip - desire to stop drinking. Up from her seat pops this young woman heading up to get her chip and I nudge Linda, 'Is that Amy??' Yes, dammit, it was. And she wasn't looking too good.
I first met Amy a few of years ago when she was at a local women's treatment facility; she and a couple of other residents were at a meeting I had escorted our guys to. We spoke a few times at that meeting place while she was in treatment and we continued to run into one another at other meetings once she had completed. She had streaks of success in sobriety but would get away from meetings and program people, back to old friends and places and find herself drinking and drugging again. After one long stretch of relapse she began the long intake process for another larger women's treatment centre located in Toronto's west end and eventually entered treatment there. Another three weeks stint; a holistic approach this time. Back to 12 step meetings strong after she completed and she built on quite a string of small successes.
She and I head out a side door when the meeting is breaking up. Amy had noticed me, come over and given me a hug, started to tear up as she waved the chip in front of our faces. She had picked up again, had way too much to drink then into the drugs. Her friends found her 16 hours later and got her to the emergency room to be treated for an overdose. She is dark around the eyes, complexion mottled, voice shaky, hand holding cigarette ajitter - looking way more than her 25 years. Hmmm.... younger even than my own daughter. We talk about what lead to the relapse; what she can do to stay clean and sober on a daily basis; who to hang with; how to fill idle time. She is settling but goes quiet - then, 'I should have my 2 years now....'. "But we only have TODAY, Amy. We're sober today." She is just 3 days clean and still landing. Amy starts to relate what she recalls of her hospital stay - the room in the emergency department, how she was treated, the nurses and doctor, how long she waited.
The doctor returned to give her the test results before discharging her. That she was lucky to have survived, lucky to have been found, lucky that she hadn't ingested that little bit more that would have pushed her over the line. He went on to say that as a routine part of of the work-up they had done a pregnancy test; that her few weeks old fetus wasn't so lucky. That it was being spontaneously aborted as they spoke.......
We stood and talked through silent tears in a church parking lot on a summer night and she was able to unload some of her shame, guilt and remorse. She spoke of the life force she had wasted, the child she would never have and how she plans to get her life together.
I saw her at a meeting Sunday night and she enters treatment once more in a months time.
On a Saturday night while Lynda was away I attended a meeting that is held close to home. I hadn't checked the start time and was a bit surprised that it was already underway when I arrived. I settled in standing at the back of the room in the coffee corner alongside an old friend, Linda S. While the speaker was up front doing his thing I was scanning the crowd to see who all I knew and wanted to talk to after the meeting. 'Yup, know him...& him. Can't recall his name but we've talked. Oh, there is whats her name...Kate?' Turned out I knew about half the folks there, maybe 25 of 50. Right at the end of the meeting they present chips for various lengths of sobriety, working down from 9 months to 6, 3, 2, 1 month and then the 24 hour chip - desire to stop drinking. Up from her seat pops this young woman heading up to get her chip and I nudge Linda, 'Is that Amy??' Yes, dammit, it was. And she wasn't looking too good.
I first met Amy a few of years ago when she was at a local women's treatment facility; she and a couple of other residents were at a meeting I had escorted our guys to. We spoke a few times at that meeting place while she was in treatment and we continued to run into one another at other meetings once she had completed. She had streaks of success in sobriety but would get away from meetings and program people, back to old friends and places and find herself drinking and drugging again. After one long stretch of relapse she began the long intake process for another larger women's treatment centre located in Toronto's west end and eventually entered treatment there. Another three weeks stint; a holistic approach this time. Back to 12 step meetings strong after she completed and she built on quite a string of small successes.
She and I head out a side door when the meeting is breaking up. Amy had noticed me, come over and given me a hug, started to tear up as she waved the chip in front of our faces. She had picked up again, had way too much to drink then into the drugs. Her friends found her 16 hours later and got her to the emergency room to be treated for an overdose. She is dark around the eyes, complexion mottled, voice shaky, hand holding cigarette ajitter - looking way more than her 25 years. Hmmm.... younger even than my own daughter. We talk about what lead to the relapse; what she can do to stay clean and sober on a daily basis; who to hang with; how to fill idle time. She is settling but goes quiet - then, 'I should have my 2 years now....'. "But we only have TODAY, Amy. We're sober today." She is just 3 days clean and still landing. Amy starts to relate what she recalls of her hospital stay - the room in the emergency department, how she was treated, the nurses and doctor, how long she waited.
The doctor returned to give her the test results before discharging her. That she was lucky to have survived, lucky to have been found, lucky that she hadn't ingested that little bit more that would have pushed her over the line. He went on to say that as a routine part of of the work-up they had done a pregnancy test; that her few weeks old fetus wasn't so lucky. That it was being spontaneously aborted as they spoke.......
We stood and talked through silent tears in a church parking lot on a summer night and she was able to unload some of her shame, guilt and remorse. She spoke of the life force she had wasted, the child she would never have and how she plans to get her life together.
I saw her at a meeting Sunday night and she enters treatment once more in a months time.
posted by Norm at 8/20/2008 03:03:00 AM
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