Words To Live By.....

.... well, for the guys anyhow. 'Never pee into the wind!' Stated with great clarity by a very drunken friend of mine after he had done just that. He survived, tho damp. It was also the most sensible thing he had uttered in hours. Go figure - one way to sober up a bit.

Yesterdays share at red Ravine (see right side bar) by ybonesy about fickle bladders and urinary practices triggered a bunch of memories, some hilarious, some embarrassing, some groaners. And although this isn't high literary writing practice it is something everyone can relate to..... everyone does it. Pee that is.

My most vivid embarrassing moment was way back when I was first beginning to drink alcohol on a regular basis (early 70's). My system was pretty naive, I wasn't used to drinking but I was out with some older guys from work after our day was done. My thinking was that I needed to match them drink for drink and try to act as if I was relatively unaffected by all the booze. At the end of the session I headed from the warmth of the bar outside into a chilly, windy winters evening and as soon as the cold air hit me I knew I had to find a washroom a.s.ap. Rather than turn around and use the bar facilities I started to walk toward the nearest subway stop figuring I would find somewhere else to go. (This is in downtown Toronto) I've arrived within seeing distance of the station and still no where to go. Damn! I know this particular station doesn't have any washrooms so I start scanning the street.... hmmmm..... car traffic has become lighter after rush hour...... foot traffic is spotty.... I'm a man, I can go anywhere, right?

I'm pretty smashed but I know I'll never last through an extended subway ride so I spy a likely looking spot for an impromptu pee. Facing out on a side street is a plain looking building and there are a couple of large concrete planters that I figure will block me from view. One last look around to make sure there aren't any pedestrians or cars in the vicinity..... hoist out the equipment and ahhhhh!!!!! relief!!!!! For a few seconds I'm thoroughly enjoying the release of my distress until BLAM!!!! The front door of this building blasts open and this waiter or maitre'd is screaming at me to clear off, get away from his restaurant, the cops are on the way!!!! Here I had been having a leak up against their heavily tinted windows in full view of the chi-chi clientele. Oops. Heh-heh; been thrown out of better places than this, buddy.

Well, I started legging it in the direction of the station as fast as I could.... trouble was I was so backlogged with beer that I wasn't finished peeing as yet with no end in sight. I did eventually stop and manage to pull myself together, pay my fare and get on my way home but I made a point of not sitting too close to the other riders that night.

You smell that? What is that smell? Smells like someone peed on this train. Who would do something like that?

Like ybonesy said - my apologies; too much information..... but the recollection of something this stupid and minor was fun and funny. Hadn't thought of that in years.