Meditation and Prayer

So much as possible I've been actively, consciously engaging in meditation and prayer to allow my mind some respite. It's been a sometimes frustrating exercise as I know that I won't get what I want; our lives back. What I can do is direct the outcome so it is the best possible one for all of us involved. It's a mode I can slip in to almost anywhere, anytime but last night at days end I was exhausted, worried and mentally over-loaded. It was time to hit the deck, get on my knees and ask for some help.

What to ask for: Some Good Orderly Direction in thought, word and deed. Relief from worry. Sanity. Protection for Lynda from dangerous situations and people. Sanctuary. Resolution. The ability to make decisions in the midst of chaos. Patience. Tolerance. Self control.

Thanks for: family, local friends, global friends, my extended AA 'family', work that I love and which distracts me from our troubles, my workmates. Values, ethics, beliefs that sustain me.

Does it work? Yes, sporadically and briefly. That's why I'm doing it more often.

But I find I'm wearing down and getting more reactionary. Any time that I'm home and Lynda is due to arrive the tension begins to build. We can barely stand to be in the same room anymore. And I shake my head in disbelief. Until very recently my wedding band was my most prized material thing. Now it's a mere bit of metal that I'd just as soon chuck into the river.

I think it's Vince Gill who sang: "There's No Love Here Anymore".

Time for more meditation, prayer and G.O.D.