Sobriety
Just in case anyone has wondered....
No, my sobriety isn't threatened. I value it too much to consider picking up a drink or a drug. Although this is a 'one day at a time' program I do like to keep track of little milestones along the way and yesterday marked 3 years 8 months since my last drink. There is a 'sobriety calculator' on one of the AA sites that I just checked - 1,340 days and counting. (and that isn't bragging; I failed every time operating on my own will) It even gives an approximation of how many heartbeats - 115.7 million.
Do I ever feel like a drink? Very occasionally, and usually by association. An occasion or particular meal will prompt memories of a favourite wine, beer or liquor. I still sniff a glass of wine sometimes when it's just poured; it's enjoyable and doesn't bother me. My last serious craving is beyond memory now.
It seems funny now as I spent so much time drunk or stoned but I have a hard time spending time with people who are seriously altered. I don't know how I'd make out working in a detox and dealing with someone at the tail end of a week long bender. Ever notice when drunks want to emphasize something they simply repeat themselves and get progressively louder each time they say it. Heh, heh, heh...that was me.
Four years ago, right now, I was in the midst of a period of on-and-off relapse that almost cost me my life. A little too close for comfort; I wasn't quite over the edge but I could see it clearly and it wasn't pretty.
In recovery the one thing I fear is complacency; that sobriety loses its priority. Yes, that spells SLIP. That would mean that I wasn't being compliant with my own wishes for something that is in my very best interests. I'd have to ask myself why I wasn't willing to attend meetings, talk program with AA people, my sponsor and sponsees, do service work and offer what I've come to know to the newcomer. If I recognize those sorts of things I need to ask if I have some sort of death wish instead of a desire to live a healthy, balanced life.
Could I ever be a social drinker again? No. I know me. I know I could never be that vigilant about controlling drinking to be able to trust myself. I'm just not that much of a gambler and that's what it would be, a toss of the dice with really lousy odds.
So, if you're not like me, please enjoy a drink and perhaps hoist one for me. I'll be over here enjoying my tea, coffee or juice. Thanks anyway.
**One thing I did do yesterday was dig through my night-table drawer to get my original 24 hour/desire chip and my one year medallion to carry around again. Talismans, significant keepsakes, 'remember-whens'. Keep it close, keep it real. If you've never seen a medallion - they're oval (so we don't cut corners), smooth on one side and rough on the other, and it's inscribed with my name, dry date, group name (Grace) and the slogan I chose - 'Faith".
No, my sobriety isn't threatened. I value it too much to consider picking up a drink or a drug. Although this is a 'one day at a time' program I do like to keep track of little milestones along the way and yesterday marked 3 years 8 months since my last drink. There is a 'sobriety calculator' on one of the AA sites that I just checked - 1,340 days and counting. (and that isn't bragging; I failed every time operating on my own will) It even gives an approximation of how many heartbeats - 115.7 million.
Do I ever feel like a drink? Very occasionally, and usually by association. An occasion or particular meal will prompt memories of a favourite wine, beer or liquor. I still sniff a glass of wine sometimes when it's just poured; it's enjoyable and doesn't bother me. My last serious craving is beyond memory now.
It seems funny now as I spent so much time drunk or stoned but I have a hard time spending time with people who are seriously altered. I don't know how I'd make out working in a detox and dealing with someone at the tail end of a week long bender. Ever notice when drunks want to emphasize something they simply repeat themselves and get progressively louder each time they say it. Heh, heh, heh...that was me.
Four years ago, right now, I was in the midst of a period of on-and-off relapse that almost cost me my life. A little too close for comfort; I wasn't quite over the edge but I could see it clearly and it wasn't pretty.
In recovery the one thing I fear is complacency; that sobriety loses its priority. Yes, that spells SLIP. That would mean that I wasn't being compliant with my own wishes for something that is in my very best interests. I'd have to ask myself why I wasn't willing to attend meetings, talk program with AA people, my sponsor and sponsees, do service work and offer what I've come to know to the newcomer. If I recognize those sorts of things I need to ask if I have some sort of death wish instead of a desire to live a healthy, balanced life.
Could I ever be a social drinker again? No. I know me. I know I could never be that vigilant about controlling drinking to be able to trust myself. I'm just not that much of a gambler and that's what it would be, a toss of the dice with really lousy odds.
So, if you're not like me, please enjoy a drink and perhaps hoist one for me. I'll be over here enjoying my tea, coffee or juice. Thanks anyway.
**One thing I did do yesterday was dig through my night-table drawer to get my original 24 hour/desire chip and my one year medallion to carry around again. Talismans, significant keepsakes, 'remember-whens'. Keep it close, keep it real. If you've never seen a medallion - they're oval (so we don't cut corners), smooth on one side and rough on the other, and it's inscribed with my name, dry date, group name (Grace) and the slogan I chose - 'Faith".
posted by Norm at 3/21/2007 12:10:00 AM
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