Feeling Punked.....

..... just only sayin'. This isn't going to be a bitch session - just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm loosing track of the weeks; I think it is 5 weeks now since I contracted the super-bug and it is definitely wearing me down. So I might not have much to say - this is basically a check-in to say I'm still around.

Tonight I'm back at work getting organized for the week. Most of the weekend was spent with Lynda at both our places. Nice to have options, ain't it? Today in the morning we rushed through 'that job' we do each weekend so I could attend an AA committee meeting. I represent my home group at the General Service district table. Then I beat it home for a quick lie down so that I might make it through the night without hitting the fatigue wall. On arising I immediately had one of my auras, this one was pretty strong and lasted a fair while - minutes instead of seconds. (Geez, think that could have something to do with my frame of mind tonight?)

Saturday Lynda devoted a few hours to cleaning Mom and Linda's place top to bottom while I took Mom out shopping. Linda is still in recuperation mode, unable to lift or bend, 3 weeks post-surgery. Saturday night, although we'd seen it when it came out, we re-watched 'Sleepless in Seattle'. Isn't memory a strange thing? I remembered almost nothing; storyline, images, nada..... I just had the vaguest of impressions that it had been a good movie that I wouldn't mind seeing again. If there was a message to be taken from it, it would be to appreciate and attend to those you love. How quickly things can change. In relating that to Lynda and I and our experiences of this last year it is very difficult to reattain 'love'. There were plenty of times that I thought myself foolish to continue trying. I'm glad now we didn't give up; we're continuing to work things out and plan for a common future.

Funnily enough - checking blog-mates posts - and there is talk of people whose posts are abruptly ended or sites deleted seemingly without reason; and the sorts of feelings that leaves for the readers who have come to 'know' them. I had been wondering a couple of times lately what would happen to mine if I should suddenly become ill or otherwise incapacitated. Send detailed instructions to cousin BJ or JPW on how to leave one last message; leave it up for a couple of weeks; then log back in and hit the delete button??? Seems a shame after all the hours spent typing away, figuring out how to post pictures and make links. Pretty pedestrian stuff for a lot of people but there was a definite learning curve at work there for me.

I'd also been thinking last week that it is time for another look for mine and it's time to update the sites I link to as well. A couple of mine have become inactive or otherwise need changing up to better reflect my interests and tastes.

Hmmmm.... seems I'm sharing this office with a mouse or a mole .... looks more like a mole. Must go usher the little bugger outside where he belongs.

and, ohhh - we didn't get all that snow we were supposed to get. It's been teeming with rain all day and night.

Into Action

A colleague asked me a week ago to speak at a meeting tonight. I was of two minds about doing it as Lynda and I had just had our first talk but when I'm asked to do things 'program' oriented, I do it. I had assumed he was simply chairing a meeting and needed a speaker. When I arrived I found out it was his 15 year medallion celebration (you get to choose who participates in your medallion meetings - designate people for each of the readings, the slogans and the speaker). Once again I'd asked permission from our manager for time off at the beginning of my shift in order to do it. Ordinarily I don't get overly nervous but as Lynda and I had just finished figuring out what we're doing, I was pretty tightly wound. I started off kind of flat but if there's one thing that gets me excited it's talking about recovery from addiction. Once I got into it I was able to put the current personal stuff out of mind and focus on the process of personality change inherent in the 12 steps. There were a half dozen current and former staff there as well as a slew of alumni from all three of our centres. The room was at capacity - probably 80 people. My talk was well received and the evening went really well. I was glad for him; great guy.

The best way to get out of 'self' is to be of service to others. Pass it on.