Computer = Toast

It is official; my computer died! It had worked for quite awhile in a lesser mode at a much reduced capacity. Now it is not booting in any mode at all. Cest la vie; cest ca. I really, really hope I can retrieve some of my files from the auxillary backup drive.

It is off to the computer store, I am going.......to see how cheaply I can get last years model.

I hope all is well out in blogland; I also hope to be a contributing member to it again soon.

Another Quick One

Life is full; things are good. I find that so long as I'm occupied I haven't time to dwell on life's pressures. Hmmm... a workaholic in the making???

Anyway, posts are few and probably not all that interesting. What's new? Yesterday was work, home to eat and change, then off to my home group meeting. The guy who was supposed to chair was ill so I did it while one of our newest members spoke for the first time. He nailed it.

Today I worked again, then headed over to the house for dinner with Lynda. Much as we've spent much of our free time together she doesn't often let on that she misses me or show a great deal of affection. Tonight as I left it was a different story and if I hadn't needed to come home, I wouldn't have. Unfortunately I had to be home to do laundry and pack for the never-ending 26 hour sleep over shift I do tomorrow into Thursday morning. Drat!! Come on Friday night!!

Thursday evening I have a second session with that teen ward. He had a court date today which was remanded for a couple of weeks. Friday I've been asked to work again - bring on da money!!

I was invited to a 'do' that cousin BJ and her husband are having in a couple of weeks and today via email I arranged to ride down with an aunt & uncle. Looking forward to some extended family time; these things are becoming all too rare in recent years.

There's a very long 'to do' list growing. I haven't had time lately to stay in touch with a number of important people including my kids. The long distance lines will be burning sometime soon. It's time for a check in on Zeph.

Right now it's time for some rest. G'night!

Sunday Evening Musings

There has been lots going on...seemingly, like always. Friday was another roller coaster of moods; up for the early part of the day until late afternoon, then into the pit for the balance of the day. Episodes like that would be easier to take if there was clear cause - there wasn't. Brutal.

Saturday I was up early and out of here so Lynda and I could get 'that' weekly job out of the way, then some shopping and back to the house to clean ourselves up. It was the day for the clan gathering in downtown Toronto. My oldest brother was in town for a conference accompanied by his wife. Both their daughters drove into town avec spouses and kids. I drove Lynda, sis Linda and Mom. This year our middle bro and his wife weren't able to make it. The lot of us enjoyed a precious few hours together feasting and talking.

Today Lynda and I were up early again to take Mom to the small town were she and Dad had been living up until he died so she could lay a wreath at his gravesite. It's also the town Lynda is from and her father is buried in the same cemetery. It was a cold clear day with a steady breeze so we didn't visit there for long. We headed a short distance up the road for a quick visit with Lynda's mom, Mother Mary, before coming back to town. I had to be back for an AA committee meeting.

One of my neighbours belongs to the same committee and he asked if I'd been around for all the excitement Saturday night. 'No, what's happening??' A stabbing, blood everywhere - killed him. He had few details other than the guy died of his wounds and that after a search the assailant had been captured. On tonight's news they disclosed a 24 year old had gotten into a fight with his 23 year old brother; the younger one is now dead, his older brother charged with murder. I made a quick stop here earlier today after the meeting and the police forensics van was still here working inside a huge police taped area. I'm very glad I wasn't around when that was going down so close to home, perhaps a hundred feet away.

I had stopped here to pick up some tools and I got some things done for Lynda; hung a couple of pictures and a floating shelf she'd bought. Not the handiest guy around but I'll do in a pinch.

Things will be hit and miss here again for the next few days, what with work, meetings, 'other' work, 'on the side' work and work around the house. Hmmm... must schedule some fun in there sometime soon, too.

When Time Allows....

....but it doesn't just now as I'm on the fly, still. Oy, what a week!

I'm just in the door, changed clothes, grabbing a bite and heading off for my first session with this new teen (who I'll have to find a name for, for reference sake).

That's all for now; I'll check in tonight or tomorrow on my day off.

End Of Day

After a full day at work I hustled home, nuked dinner, ate and headed for the hall to set up for our meeting. On the way there I called Mom to wish her a happy birthday; it sounds like she'd had calls from most everyone she's acquainted with. Cauliflower ear. An 83 year old ear.

The meeting itself was a good one; our lone female member got up and spoke and did a really good job of it. Once again a few of us hung in afterward, first in the hall, then moving down to the parking lot for a good long yack.

I've been in for about an hour and checked in with Lynda. She had a close call at work today. She fell, tucked and rolled but still has a very sore wrist & hand and a swollen ankle. Very lucky - she could have broken her neck. Since then I've got myself packed and prepared for this 26 hour sleep over shift tomorrow into Wednesday morning. Oh joy, oh bliss. Actually it shouldn't be bad; there is just one admission booked and one planned discharge. Straightforward and easy.

Because of ongoing computer problems I'm limited in what I can do here which means few / no pictures. There doesn't seem to be an easy fix other than buying a new one and there are some sound reasons I'm reluctant to do that. For now I'll suffer along as is.

Time for some rest. Check by when you can.

Catch My Breath

Sunday night - in after a full weekend of fun and work. So much so that I had no time to review material for work sessions tomorrow.

Last night we went to see Lions For Lambs and I started writing a review but..... I have mixed feelings about it. Streep and Redford turned in solid performances; the story lines held our interest but....at 90 minutes it was way too short for what they were trying to convey. We were startled by the abrupt ending feeling like half the story had been told; wanting more.

Today we worked - that job we do each weekend; then back to the house for some yard work, cleaning out the garage and putting dinner together. After dinner Lynda got changed into some PJ's and I asked her, 'Have you forgotten you have to drive me home?' Aarrgghh! Ordinarily I have my car but she'd picked me up yesterday to go look at some furniture she wants and we never made it back here to get it.

As I was exiting the car she asked why I'd seemed down this weekend. 'Me? Down?' Little things, I told her, of little consequence. And big things, large issues, huge questions that I have no solutions to right now...they're beyond me and my ken. "You have people all about you who care, you know.' Yes, hon...I know you do...g'night doll.

Faith isn't a passive state of being; it is action.

Sunny Saturday

We're enjoying a passing high pressure system that has brought blue skies and milder temps - low to mid 40's. I'm planning to get out there and revel in it while it lasts, shortly. So far today I've been getting caught up here at home with dishes, laundry, a good general clean up and paying some bills on-line. Contact has been made today with the foster family and arrangements made for introductions come Thursday evening.

Yesterday I was finishing up an email to Susan when Lynda called to see if I had plans for dinner and she invited me over for pizza and a 'Friday Flop' night. That sounded good to me. She had a full week and although I hadn't worked this week it had been a busy one for me as well. We ate , caught up on each others latest news and then sat and watched TV. We fought to stay awake until news time and then succumbed to the sleep fairy. Lynda is occupied for a few hours today and then we're meeting up for a b-b-q later on. (Hearty Canadians grill all year long regardless of temperature or weather) We're supposed to be going to the movies after dinner and likely seeing the new one with Streep, Redford & Cruise.

Sometime this weekend I have to prepare for meetings I'll be running at work; reviewing the material.

I had written in the last couple of days about mood swings - it's something I need to keep the 'radar' up about and have an ongoing awareness of. When I feel much different week to week or month to month I have to act on it, talk it out or write about it. Suppressing expression of it is a form of self harm, or has the potential of eventually getting to that extent. Thankfully I have people in my circle locally and 'out there' who are willing to relate about the subject. For that I'm grateful today. Likely the most important thing I need to keep in mind is that these swing are to be expected from time to time and they are transitory - they won't last.

Today is a good day......to be outside. See ya.

Keeping Still....

.....while I struggle with some moods. I tend not to write much if I feel I haven't much of anything positive to offer, hence relative quiet here. I spent some time researching SAD syndrome as these moods have coincided with the seasonal change. Recommended therapy is vitamin D and a special spectrum light exposure once or twice daily. The jury is still out on doses of melatonin.

Tuesday was a day of free floating anxiety - not sure what the cause may have been. I actively sought out Lynda's company and that provided a short term solution.

I had invited Lynda to dinner last night so a good portion of the day was spent on shopping for the required ingredients, prepping them and cooking. She came over directly from work, had a couple of glasses of wine and then we enjoyed dinner. We sat around listening to some favourite music with a hot cuppa for awhile before she had to go tend to some of her housework around 8:30.

Today I kept a medical appt and then made the short hop up to 'the house' for a half hour meeting with my manager. We got work schedules sorted out for the next few weeks and reviewed some recent changes in policy and procedure. I know for certain now that I have at least 3 weeks of day counselling to look forward to and perhaps much more. Then there was a quick lunch with the rest of the staff and a chat with a couple of the newest residents.

Seeing as how I'd been out of sorts lately I stopped in at the local detox / treatment centre for a 2 p.m. meeting. There were a number of people there I know from local meetings and also from having been through our centre. One of them was a former client who had relapsed recently and was there to detox. He's a fellow I'd hit it off with during his treatment so I arranged with him to meet again this evening at their in-house NA meeting. He's putting things in place so he'll have a slower re-entry to real world pressures by going to a recovery house to live a while with other people in recovery.

Between those meetings I made a check-in call to Lynda and she invited me to have dinner at a local pub - The Bulldog. We were both starving and they came up with some rib-sticking fare that was good for this cold wet day. Temps were hovering around freezing so we had a mix of rain, sleet and snow through the day. This evening things seem to be drying up somewhat so I'm hoping there will be no accumulation of the white stuff come morning.

Back in the spring I did a few months work with a teen in foster care who had some problems with substance. Today I was contacted to work with another young guy in similar circumstance so I'll be arranging tomorrow to meet him sometime next week.

I'm still reading Johnny Cash's 'Man In White' but I stopped at the library yesterday and came away with a few: The Dalai Lama's 'How To Practice - The Way To A Meaningful Life'; Deepak Chopra's 'The Book Of Secrets'; and M. Scott Peck, M.D.'s 'The Road Less Travelled'. That should keep me out of mischief for awhile; might even learn something!

Damned Drunks...

....from a 'Quote of The Day' site.....

A drunkard would not give money to sober people. He said they would only eat it, and buy clothes and send their children to school with it. Samuel Butler

You just can't trust'em. Everyone knows you're to fritter your money away on booze; all your time getting hammered or recuperating from the last one.

Domestics...

What with the pace of life lately and finally having a day to myself here it was time for some serious cleaning. The last couple of weeks have been an ongoing rotation of work, change of clothes, cook if I have time & eat, go back out, come home & sleep and get up to do it over again. This morning was spent with Mom getting her to an appointment and doing a bit of shopping but this afternoon....chores. Sweeping, dusting, scrubbing, raking my small yard, cooking and doing up loads of dishes. Managed to have it all done with time to spare and make it to my home group meeting early to set up. It was a good one tonight with lots of participants.

A few of us hung around afterward in the hall and talked. My 'no longer relapsing' friend, another of my sponsees and his wife - we're all members of the same group. We had moved the discussion outside and I'd have stuck around longer but there was a cold rain falling. I was good for about 15 minutes of that before I'd had enough. This sponsee and his wife have had a rough time since the spring - not marital or sobriety related; just a bunch of negative life circumstance happening. He just called asking to get together Thursday or Friday afternoon. No problem. Time to back up a bit, review in order to renew and plug into the positives.

Oh yeah, 'no longer' and I squeezed in an hour long shift workers meeting at lunchtime, too. That particular meeting was where I made my 'debut' in 'the rooms' a little over 5 years ago - there were a few of those same people there today and some comments were made about the shape I was in back then. Not pretty. Change is good and it's nice occasionally to have those changes pointed out because they aren't always apparent to me.

Recounting.....

....cuz I haven't been around much lately.

Friday night with the Addictions class crew was a good time although it wasn't well attended. Our instructor showed, as did Lynda and I; and the gal who held it along with her husband. We had a good catch up session for all our news and some interesting conversation. It turned into a late night to cap a long week.

I'll skip for a minute to Sunday - we managed to get an early start to the day as we were anxious to get a move on to go see Owen. All our hopes and expectations were met in regard to time spent with him. We walked the neighbourhood, we talked, we played and drew pictures.... all that good stuff. We had also packed Freedom in the car for the trip and Owen lit up when he saw her. He followed her around as she explored the house and showed her where she was allowed to go / and not. He'd play with us for a bit and take sudden time outs to give Freedom big hugs. Such a sweet child - he loves his Freedom. And his Gramma; he was sobbing his little heart out when we left...mainly because of Lynda. What a connection those two have.

Back to Saturday - and this may go on a bit.... in prep for Sunday we set out to accomplish a bunch of stuff through that day and did very well, too. We had planned to go to the movies after dinner but by the time we checked show times it was too late. Scanning through the movie channels on cable lead us to an oddball Canadian produced drama that we thoroughly enjoyed called 'Snow Cake'. It chronicles the tale of a high functioning autistic woman who has to deal with the loss of her teenage daughter. The lead role is played by Signourey Weaver who happens to be one of my favourite actresses (or to be politically correct - actors). The movie happened to be shot in and around the small Northern Ontario town that my oldest brother and his family have lived in for eons. During the time it was being shot we'd get periodic updates as to who they had run into, and where..... blah, blah, blah. Anyway; the movie was great - really well written, produced and acted. It gets the *Norm* seal of approval for recommended viewing.