Not A Quitter....

.... usually.

But the time has come again for a serious attempt to quit smoking. I've been back at it since sometime in late October and I'm feeling the effects. Thankfully I've managed to keep it quite a bit below the amount I used to smoke. Unfortunately it's still making me feel like crap.

Last year I quit on my son's 25th birthday; my planned quit date is our grandson Owen's 5th birthday. Tonight I registered for a quit smoking contest run by the Canadian Cancer Society where you commit to abstaining for the month of March..... with the intent that if you manage to quit for the month you'll have the incentive to carry on the quit. Top prize is a new car..... not bad.

Between now and the quit date I intend to do some writing about all the background reasons I have to want to quit. Besides that my principal aid will be the CD recording of my hypnosis session from last years quit. I might put in a call to the hypnotherapist Lauren to review any notes she might have kept from our interview; might help, can't hurt. Perhaps some regular directed prayer for the relief of the obsession to smoke will help as well. 'Thy will, not mine be done.'

Soon I'll be saying, 'I quit'.... and hopefully it will be for the very last time.

New blog friend Rao writes here at 'The Age Of Geek' about his recent success in quitting.

Slow Motion Man

By the time I got home this morning I had been up for 21 hours and surprisingly felt pretty good. I had gone through a tired stage through the night and that was why when I posted I kept it on the short side and to the point - a bare bones account of the weekend. It seems that tonight is when I'm paying the price. The dogs had me awake around mid-day and I've been up and around ever since. Ever feel like you're slogging along wearing a heavy damp cloak long after your energy has run out?? That is me tonight on 4 or 5 hours sleep. During the day I kept busy with household stuff - laundry, dusting and vacuuming, and cooking - and managed to get away from the house to make it to work a bit early.

Primarily for our youngest dogs benefit (Milo), Lynda and I have adjusted our work schedules so he is well tended to. We had a talk tonight and decided we've done this long enough, he is grown enough that this shouldn't continue to be necessary. So, at long last she and I will have some common time at home instead of an hour here and there spotted through the week. Hallelujah!! Lynda will go back to her regular day shift and occasional rotation into a week of afternoon shift instead of every other week. We will enjoy having the chance to actually go out and do things together again.

We haven't had any sun since getting that dumping of new snow but I did get a couple of pictures that could be alright to post. There also hasn't been a breath of wind so everything has an 8 to 12 inch hat of pristine snow atop. Looks pretty damned cool. Really must get back into posting photos on a regular basis again - there's a worthy goal.

Today marks 6 years since Lynda quit smoking; or 2192 days.... and she has never looked back. Doesn't miss it and has no cravings. Pretty remarkable since she went along with my sister and I to the hypnotherapist not really intending a serious quit attempt. Right time; right place; right outcome. Sister Linda is coming up on a year soon via a different method. I'm back pretty well where I started; smoking daily but not as heavily as before.

Week - Ender

Whew! Another work week done, down and dirty in another hour. That's not a 'whew' as in I've been terribly busy and run off my feet. It's just I find 70+ hours a bit much and by the end of it I'm bushed and ready for a good long rest. There is a short sleep waiting when I get out of here; I need to be up early for that funeral. But you can be sure I'll be hitting the sheets early Sunday night and sleeping in as long as I can bear to lie there.

I haven't a clue what the week holds. There are some appointments to keep and personal maintenance sorts of stuff to do - dentist, haircut, oil change (on the car, not me). I'm not expecting call-in shifts but I may get lucky as there are lots of colds and flu going around. (Knock on wood, it doesn't land on me.) Must get Mom out of her house for lunch or shopping.

It's about time for another quit smoking attempt. The anniversary of Lynda's successful quit is approaching so I might aim for that and adopt it. It'll be 6 years for her. I so wish I hadn't blown off the 7 months I had under my belt but no sense crying about it. Pick a date and stick to it. Do anything else except pick up.

Through tonight the temperature has dropped to -20C with a wind chill of about -30. So cold it would freeze the ............... you know the rest. As cold as a witches heart at midnight on All Hallows Eve........ you get the picture. Lord, I live at the wrong latitude. There must be some alkies and addicts in warmer climes who need a little counsel.

Have a great week; I'll be around soon.

Non-Smoking Section Here

Indulge me while I whine but something in my path may have to die while I turn my brain around in order to not smoke. Yesterday was a short day - not even 12 hours - so I didn't have that bad a time getting through what there was of it. Today I've had some rest and a few things on my plate to accomplish..... and after every little thing done I feel like a smoke.

Distract, derail, delay defuse the thoughts... refuse to follow through with the action of picking up. Luckily I have none in my possession and that makes it a little easier.

That is where I'm at today - time for dinner and my meeting. Later.

7 Days and Counting....

It's a week smoke free; a good week without many rough spots. I had a few more cravings than usual tonight but they came and went fairly quickly. On guard against complacency......

I can't recall what we learned in school about the withdrawal syndrome associated with nicotine but I would think 3 to 5 days would be the upper limit for physical effects. That tells me that it won't be a physical urge that will put me in danger; it will be a mental lapse if anything. On the phone with Lynda a few minutes ago to wish her good night - she says it takes 10 days to break a habit. That, according to the original 'old wife', her mom Mother Mary.

A few things about this interval: Mentally - I've been incredibly scattered. Really!! I haven't been able to focus or concentrate; unable to recall much of the week. Outwardly I've gotten on with people alright but inwardly I'm ready to snap. Bitchy, judgmental, critical, biting my tongue.
Emotionally - good, maybe a little too even in mood. Too controlled.
Physically - Coincidence?? I think not!! The same day I went for the hypnosis I also went to my MD and was prescribed a different puffer. The puffer in conjunction with not smoking has finally relieved the chest problems I had been experiencing for umpteen weeks following the cold I had. I can breathe again and don't wake myself hacking every time I move in bed. The pains from beneath my ribs are waning. Hallelujah!!

I'm trying to follow through as closely as possible with the list of recommendations the hypnotist gave me to do. Lots of water and certain foods to detoxify, bank (at least) a portion of money saved, listen to the cd of our session at least once a day, breathing exercises, positive affirmations, review work papers.

News that I've quit is getting around in dribs and drabs to family, friends, co-workers and extended (program) family. It's nice to be able to make declarative statements like, 'I no longer feel the need to smoke.' My kids are both in their mid twenties and the times in their young lives when I didn't smoke is beyond their memory; neither of them can believe it yet.

It took me more than a year of thinking about this; contemplating, anticipating, worrying, praying, discussing..... to finally put things into action. Thankfully I have lots of good supports around, both local and 'out there'. I was ready, I suppose, for a solid quit effort and the hypnosis made it 'do-able' for me. I don't know whether I'd have had this amount of success left to my own devices.

Please, don't let this end.....

Strange Daze.....

Hangover effect of hypnosis?? Nicotine withdrawal?? Sleep deprivation / exhaustion??

Yesterday was strange; by dinner time I could hardly keep my eyes open; I was in bed before 8 and I didn't get up until after 10 this morning. 14 hours - unheard of!!!!

It had been a mixed up day. First an MD appointment in the morning; yet another inhaler prescribed. Then it was off to Mom's for some shovelling of the lovely white stuff. There was a young guy who was supposed to be keeping up with all the snowfall and that was my understanding - that he had been by, done his thing and everything was okay. Not so; he stops by, does a bit, has reason to leave, charges for what he has done and splits. Meanwhile the driveway is still unnavigable and the snow is all crusty and frozen now. I managed to pull something in my lower back while shovelling but it is mostly done now.

The hypnosis appointment went well. The woman who did it ran through a thorough interview process with me before inducing the trance. After she brought me back out of it she reviewed what she had done, gave me a series of instructions to follow and also provided me with a copy of the session that she burned on CD. It's a little over 24 hours since I walked into her office and voila!!- no smoking. Incredible. I do have passing thoughts along the lines of 'I ought to have a smoke before I do....or, I'll have one after I've.......' and then I remember 'I'm a non-smoker - I don't smoke any longer'. There have been no serious cravings as yet and if things to date are an indication; I won't have any either.

Following the appt I had a few stops to make but by the time I made it home I was burnt. My eyes were really irritated, arms and back sore, and didn't feel like doing anything so I cancelled a planned visit with Lynda and headed to bed. Still can't believe that - 14 hours!! So, I'm still feeling kind of odd, discombobulated, don't have both feet on the floor...... etc, etc. I'm going to go review some of the reading material I was provided with and have a listen to the CD again. Anything to keep this run alive. Later.

Health Matters.....

A couple of you have enquired lately about what I'm doing to take care of myself so here's the low-down. I'm closing in on 6 weeks since the onset of this cold and it went through all the usual stages right into bronchitis....and back out and still the congestion lingers. I've probably pushed myself too hard and should have taken some time off for a solid rest; I didn't and so the blessed thing doesn't seem to want to leave.

Action taken - back to the doctor today and he re-prescribed the two puffers I've been using and also sent me for a chest x-ray. Yesterday I made an appointment for a hypnotherapy session to quit smoking - a method I had success with 20 odd years ago. That appt is in a couple of weeks. I already had a quit date set which I continue to prep for ( it is approaching quickly) by writing down my triggers, 'positive' aspects to smoking (a short list), as well as all the negative impacts (a long, long list), things that I do in association with smoking, listing the resources I have at hand and plan to use. Plus, I'm praying to be gradually relieved of the obsession to smoke. (What does the god of my understanding want for me?? He wants me to live a long, healthy life free of smoking tobacco.)

As for rest; that is a rare commodity. I haven't been sleeping and for no apparent good reason. These last couple of days have been free of work commitments and I've done a lot of running around but nothing taxing. Tonight will be another early one for hitting the sack. Looking ahead I'm facing 10 or 11 straight days and nights of work so I'll be concentrating on rest, diet and various other sorts of self care to get me through. Wish me luck and thanks for your concern. I'll be fine eventually physically. Mentally, emotionally and spiritually I'm fit.

Ahhhh.... Almost..... Soon

I managed to get clear from work before 10 this morning so I headed for the house as Lynda had invited me for brunch during a late night phone call last night. She had asked me to pick up bread and while in the grocer's I noticed a display of flowers. The produce manager Curly (a bald guy) saw me checking them out and told me they had just come in the door. Amongst them was a beautiful bouquet of deep red roses - they had Lynda's name all over them. It's a day early for Valentine's but better early than to come up short at the last minute; I bought them. She liked them a lot and we had a couple of good hours together catching up on our news.

I came home to clean up and change before my neuro appointment, dashed off again and had one of the shortest sessions ever with a doctor. 'Champix / Chantrix for you?? Not a chance!' The latest news regarding it is the FDA is reviewing whether to continue to make it available or not - there have been a number of suicides associated with its use and increased incidence of psychotic episodes. 'Try hypnosis, the patch and gum, accupuncture, laser therapy, go herbal and don't smoke but you aren't going on this medication.' Okay doc - that's why I rely on you. You know best. (...and you were right Susan in your warning)

Seeing as how it has done nothing but snow here recently I went to Mom and Linda's place to check on them, see if they needed anything and whether they needed any shovelling done. I wakened Linda when I arrived; she'd been resting completely prone on the living room sofa. She's still not feeling awfully well, moving very freely nor eating or drinking very much. We three yacked while Mom and I had a couple of cups of tea.

Supplies have been running low here on the homefront so on the way home I stopped at a department store and grocery to re-stock on some essentials. Dinner is in the oven cooking while I've checked friend's blogs and caught up on emails. It is simple but rib-sticking fare... mmm.... mmm

I had the pleasure of running into and catching up with friend JPW the other night. We hadn't seen one another in months, since we met up at that chicken joint.... in the fall? He's looking well, is happy and has been as busy as a one-armed paperhanger; sorta like me. Which is the best reason we haven't met up - our schedules don't jive. One day again soon, I hope.

Earlier when I stopped in to clean up I checked my various email accounts and there was a disturbing one from 'Woodys' foster dad. A bare bones message with no details; that Woody had been removed from their home the previous evening; that I should call his worker for details. ACCKKK! Crap!! His life just changed dramatically for the worse. The message I left with the worker is unanswered.

There was a plan in mind for tonight - a soak in the tub, a movie, maybe a snooze. I've been dithering about trying to figure out whether I should go out and take in a meeting for my own benefit, or stick to the plan. I'm going to stay in and get some rest, I think. As I was leaving the house earlier today I invited Lynda to pack a bag and come by when she gets off work later. Now that's a plan I'd like to see come together.

Oh - one last thing. I haven't posted comments to friend's blogs much lately but I make quick check-ins and I also know who my frequent visitors are. Kel, your trip will soon be upon you - may it be everything you can possibly imagine and much, much more. Robin - your writing, your photography and the way you match them up with your collection of quotes continues to dazzle me. Awesome! The Exquisite E - beautiful child. BJ - keep those prayers coming; mind if I share one here one day? JPW - stop lurking and being lazy; post a comment once in a while. Susan - good to be back in touch.

Time for the show folks...... gotta go.

Good Weekend

Last night I hit a meeting with a sponsee, went for coffee and a yack afterward for an hour long talk.
This morning I was up early again to pick Lynda up so we could go into Toronto for the Home Show. It was held at the convention centre next to the CN Tower and Air Canada Centre. The show itself was good - all kinds of products and services for the home - but it always astounds me when I get into a building of that size; hundreds of thousands of enclosed square feet of SPACE! Knocks my eyes out!
This is going to be a short entry as it's time to get some rest but I did want to say that Lynda celebrated 5 years smoke free today!!! Quite the accomplishment, I'd say. Trying to get my head around another quit (which I've been stalled on for months). Actually I picked up a mixture of aromatic oils today that I'm to leave open beside the bed while I sleep; when I light up it's supposed to change how the cigarette tastes - bad. Whatever it takes....

A 'Quit' Update

Yup, still smokin'; but working on it. I'd cut my consumption by half during that damned cold and have pretty much managed to keep it there even as I get feeling better. I've done some of the writing that I'd planned to do in preparation to quit and have a little more fleshing out to do before my quit date. It would be great to stop without any relapses but even if there are some bumps it's important to not give up on quitting; keep the end result in view. Lately I've been buying just a pack or two at a time instead of cartons as I might just jump the gun and decide I've had enough and quit.

Many thanks to Robin at 'Life in the Bogs' for her post on 'the joys of quitting' and congratulations on celebrating another anniversary smoke-free. Gives me something to aspire (respire) to.