Happy Halloween

Here it is again - All Ghouls Day. What are you going out as?? I won't be able to tonight but in the past I've enjoyed dressing up to hand out candy to the kids who come to the door.

Anyway, after a couple of nights from hell here at work it's nice to have a quiet one tonight. A couple of posts ago I mentioned having a project underway...... because of how the last couple of nights went I haven't made much headway. Too many interruptions to accomplish much of anything.

On arriving here tonight there was some disquieting news that we may have to shut the centre down on a temporary basis for some renovations. There is a meeting in the morning with both our CEO and Director of Operations which is supposed to clarify the situation and provide us with some hard information. If that does happen it looks like our current crop of clients would be able to complete their stay; we won't be taking new admissions. If my work is suspended my bank account isn't going to like it at all, at all......... Maybe I should go check the on-line job ads again, ya think? Sounds like a plan to me. Bye.

P.S.A.

No silly, not the cancer test for men.

Public Service Announcement!!! This was sent to me as an email and I've copied a portion of it here as I thought it to be a great idea. Hope you think so too. I've already acted on it myself.

ICE - 'In Case of Emergency'
We all carry our mobile phones with names & numbers stored in its memory but nobody, other than ourselves, knows which of these numbers belong to our closest family or friends.
If we were to be involved in an accident or were taken ill, the people attending us would have our mobile phone but wouldn't know who to call. Yes, there are hundreds of numbers stored but which one is the contact person in case of an emergency? Hence this 'ICE' (In Case of Emergency) Campaign.
The concept of 'ICE' is catching on quickly. It is a method of contact during emergency situations. As cell (mobile) phones are carried by the majority of the population, all you need to do is store the number of a contact person or persons who should be contacted during emergency under the name 'ICE' (In Case Of Emergency).
For more than one contact name simply enter ICE1, ICE2 and ICE3 etc. A great idea that will make a difference!

An idea worth passing on.

Placekeeper

I have a project on the go....... I'll be back.

One of Those Nights

Ever have one of those periods when you sit down to write and anything you put together just doesn't feel or read right?? That was me here last night. Start a piece, go at it from different angles, rewrite, scrap it, start again..... eventually I surrendered to the idea that it wasn't to be and gave up.

..... and I knew why. I'd had a rotten time through the day trying to sleep and for no good reason didn't sleep very much. When I made it to work I escorted our clients to my home group AA meeting and on arriving there was asked to speak. Gulp, errr, uhhh, sure..... The talk went off alright but as always it got the wheels churning. It always feels different and awkward speaking in front of our clients for some reason. There are always 3 talks BTW: the one you would ideally like to give; the one you actually deliver; and the 20/20 hindsight one you wish you had done. Ah well, it is what it is.

Once we were all back here at the centre I suddenly wasn't in the mood to be here at work at all. I bore down and had all my usual work done by midnight and then had 6 hours to fill. Hmmm.... okay, extra work. 5 hours to go. Pace. Tour. Check the usual blogs. Listen to music. Long night done and off home to bed, T.G.

What else?? I've been trying to pay less attention to the market news but still hearing dribs and drabs. The Cdn dollar has taken a beating..... a few months ago it was valued higher than the USD at $1.10; now it's trading at .80 for a 30% drop. If you Yanks were considering a trip north of the border now is the time to stretch your travel dollar - c'mon up!! The good news is that gas prices have dropped substantially from a high during the summer of $1.35 per liter to today when I filled up for .93 per liter. (Still over priced of course, but....)

The last week has seen the weather cool off again. The last 36 hours have been non-stop wind out of the north-west - lots of scudding cloud and rain. They're predicting light snow here by morning with greater amounts to the east. Here we go kids - hang onto your hats.

Things with Lynda are good. We enjoyed our time together on the weekend and we normally get a couple of hours between when she gets home from work and I have to leave to come in to my work. We catch each other up on our news, we cook and clean up, watch the news, talk out the challenges we face. Such is life during my work weeks..... it's a strange way to work; 7 nights in a row and then off for 7.

Had a nice surprise email today from a blog friend which included some photos of themselves and family as well. I replied in kind. Nice to put faces with names we agreed.... and so much for anonymity.

Time for a walkabout..... later.

Quick Picks

I paid another visit to the library last week - yippee!! It was slightly frustrating in that I wasn't able to find what I was looking for at that branch - a couple of Hunter S Thompson's later writings. Next time I'll hit the main branch or pre-order what I'm after.

Woo-Hoo; the ones I did find are very different in who they deal with but they are both very good. I've just started into reading Moanin' At Midnight: The Life and Times Of Howlin' Wolf by James Segrest and Mark Hoffman for Pantheon Books. By the early going and scanning through I can tell it will be good. Must dig through the old record collection and find my copies of 'The London Sessions' - his performances with Jagger and Clapton et al.

The other one I got is a short autobiographic book which relates to a period in this province's history and it's treatment of psychiatric patients. What ultimately started as a patients rights issue eventually didn't serve them at all well; it has taken decades of activism and advocacy to turn the tide in their favour. The decision back in the 80's quickly turned many psych patient out to fend for themselves without proper follow up or referral and it created rooming house ghettos full of people who were unable to fend for themselves. Pat Capponi chronicles her experiences in Upstairs In The Crazy House: The Life Of A Phychiatric Survivor for Viking Canada. She describes her numerous hospitalizations and several months stay in one such rooming house. Pat eventually achieved enough personal health and well being that she was able to be a voice for those who were unable to speak on their own behalf. She served on a number of hospital and government advisory boards contributing to the drafting of legislation directly affecting the treatment of psychiatric patients. I'd like to follow up and read her succeeding books.

A Few New Changes

Fiddling about here; retooling a bit. I've deleted a link or two and added three or four. Have a gander at the links list on the right side and see who is new to the neighbourhood.

A bunch of us were introduced to Lea Kelley by Amuirin at Stop & Wander there a couple of weeks ago. Lea has a beautiful site full of her wonderful appreciative thoughts and links to her artwork. I like the ways in which her mind works and how she is able to express her thoughts and feelings. She was good enough to add me as a link so I thought I'd return the favour.

Martin of HST Books and I started corresponding while I was reading Hunter S Thompson's biography, 'Gonzo', and things show no sign of abating as yet. Good guy; great informative site for Thompson enthusiasts / aficionados. A little 'Fear and Loathing' with that???? Martin also linked to my wee blog and so...... turn about is fair play and all that.

I first ran across Quinn Creative... I'm guessing about 2 years ago??... and promptly lost / forgot about her site. I was very pleasantly surprised to fluke back onto her site again a month or two ago and enjoy rummaging around the archives to see what I might find. Lots of good stuff; go see!!

Another that I found when I initially learned there were such things as blogs was Solbeam's. I always enjoy it when I land there for a look around. Sometimes months and months go by when I have forgotten to check in on her and her travels... and that is one reason for the link. So that I don't forget. Solbeam has been on her journey for 7+ years now; I suggest you check her 'about' page for the lowdown. Well written; great reflective writing; and terrific photographs of some pretty exotic places.

Enjoy people!!

Fair Is Fair

A week or so ago I was bitching here about the revamped CBC Radio 2 programming so I thought I'd better own up when I hear a gem. (..... and this is one more indication lately that Portland, OR is hot.) I was listening the other night and heard a segment from a concert recorded early this summer with a group called Pink Martini. They're a large ensemble of 12 core players and they play Jazz - jazz with a world flavour and a lot of well polished attitude. So they should as they are an incredibly talented lot of writers, arrangers, instrumentalists, vocalists and producers. Vocals in 8 languages!! Mon dieu!

This concert from Calgary should be added to the Concert On Demand page before the weekend is over so you can stream it at any time. (There is a wealth of other great material to be mined here as well which can be searched by the name of the act / artist, venue, city or genre.)

http://www.cbc.ca/radio2/cod/

Cuts I heard included 'Tempo Perdito', the Arabic ballad 'Bukra wba'do', as well as their current album's title song 'Hey Eugene'. Bookmark that page and don't say I didn't tell ya!!

Words To Live By.....

.... well, for the guys anyhow. 'Never pee into the wind!' Stated with great clarity by a very drunken friend of mine after he had done just that. He survived, tho damp. It was also the most sensible thing he had uttered in hours. Go figure - one way to sober up a bit.

Yesterdays share at red Ravine (see right side bar) by ybonesy about fickle bladders and urinary practices triggered a bunch of memories, some hilarious, some embarrassing, some groaners. And although this isn't high literary writing practice it is something everyone can relate to..... everyone does it. Pee that is.

My most vivid embarrassing moment was way back when I was first beginning to drink alcohol on a regular basis (early 70's). My system was pretty naive, I wasn't used to drinking but I was out with some older guys from work after our day was done. My thinking was that I needed to match them drink for drink and try to act as if I was relatively unaffected by all the booze. At the end of the session I headed from the warmth of the bar outside into a chilly, windy winters evening and as soon as the cold air hit me I knew I had to find a washroom a.s.ap. Rather than turn around and use the bar facilities I started to walk toward the nearest subway stop figuring I would find somewhere else to go. (This is in downtown Toronto) I've arrived within seeing distance of the station and still no where to go. Damn! I know this particular station doesn't have any washrooms so I start scanning the street.... hmmmm..... car traffic has become lighter after rush hour...... foot traffic is spotty.... I'm a man, I can go anywhere, right?

I'm pretty smashed but I know I'll never last through an extended subway ride so I spy a likely looking spot for an impromptu pee. Facing out on a side street is a plain looking building and there are a couple of large concrete planters that I figure will block me from view. One last look around to make sure there aren't any pedestrians or cars in the vicinity..... hoist out the equipment and ahhhhh!!!!! relief!!!!! For a few seconds I'm thoroughly enjoying the release of my distress until BLAM!!!! The front door of this building blasts open and this waiter or maitre'd is screaming at me to clear off, get away from his restaurant, the cops are on the way!!!! Here I had been having a leak up against their heavily tinted windows in full view of the chi-chi clientele. Oops. Heh-heh; been thrown out of better places than this, buddy.

Well, I started legging it in the direction of the station as fast as I could.... trouble was I was so backlogged with beer that I wasn't finished peeing as yet with no end in sight. I did eventually stop and manage to pull myself together, pay my fare and get on my way home but I made a point of not sitting too close to the other riders that night.

You smell that? What is that smell? Smells like someone peed on this train. Who would do something like that?

Like ybonesy said - my apologies; too much information..... but the recollection of something this stupid and minor was fun and funny. Hadn't thought of that in years.

BJ Returns

Cousin BJ and I had stilled our back & forth communication over the last few months; for no good reason really. The pace of life sometimes determines these things. Co-incidently I had been thinking of she and her hubby over the weekend and wondering what was up with them. Voila; bada-boom-bada-bing - see what landed in your inbox??

'Got a good one today to share....' "We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world." Buddha

Glad you're back B - stick around and try the comment box again. You'll get the hang of it. TGCOY, too.

Dramamello

I posted yesterday during a weak moment, mea culpa. Got through the day pretty well for the most part; didn't freak on anyone's head, nothing died, no one's feelings were hurt..... and I managed to get through the day without smoking. Ta-Dahh!!

Otherwise life is full if somewhat boring. Today I slept in and luxuriated in it. It was one of those sleeps that comes along about twice a year..... ooohhh, I had a bitchin' time pushing back the covers. Warm, quiet, very comfortable, zzzzzzz.......

All the usual stuff to look forward to today - a pitstop at mom's, a bit of shopping, another meeting tonight that I was invited to participate in, walk the dogs. Relax and pace myself and enjoy. Have a good one out there!!

Non-Smoking Section Here

Indulge me while I whine but something in my path may have to die while I turn my brain around in order to not smoke. Yesterday was a short day - not even 12 hours - so I didn't have that bad a time getting through what there was of it. Today I've had some rest and a few things on my plate to accomplish..... and after every little thing done I feel like a smoke.

Distract, derail, delay defuse the thoughts... refuse to follow through with the action of picking up. Luckily I have none in my possession and that makes it a little easier.

That is where I'm at today - time for dinner and my meeting. Later.

Upcoming Blog Birthday

Come Monday it will have been two full years since I started this gig - amazing! It came about by stumbling on some folks blogsites and beginning to follow them through their posts. After a couple of months of that I came to the conclusion that hey! I can get in on this too. Away I went.... and here I am.

Along the way I've posted some opinion pieces about the things I care about - a bit about recovery, a fair lot about music and more recently books. (There has also been quite a lot of straight-up day-to-day news that I'm sure is probably pretty boring for some but it keeps me occupied.) I was helped through some difficult times by blog friends - mainly regarding Lynda's and my break-up, time apart and reunion. Good times too - with our grandson Owen and the births of my kid's kids, Zeph and Madison. Through these things I've been fortunate to have made some damned decent friends and I feel fortunate to be a part of this ever growing on-line community. (Seems I've made another friend this week in Martin at hstbooks.com. Hello Ireland!!) You all mean a lot to me and on those occasions where I felt I could be of help, I've tried to be. Lord knows you've helped me.

I never fail to be amazed at the number and variety of talented people 'out there' offering up their work in words, photos and artwork. That and the appreciation, support and encouragement that flies back and forth between parties. Awesome. Maybe I'll dig through my archives to see what all is in there. Whenever I do that I always come across something I had forgotten about ever having written..... surprise, surprise. (Senior's moments already.)

And for anyone interested I'm having my last intended cigarettes tonight - I'm going to try and lay them down for good again. See, one thing I've hated about smoking for the last few years is having to smoke outside in cold weather. I was just outside for one and I bet it is down to 0C/32F out there - freezing!! One more motivating factor, by geez. Wish me luck. BTW - it is a beautiful still clear night. The stars are shimmering like diamond dust on blue-black velvet.

Lyrics As Poetry

First off; I don't know about you but I find the way most songs are usually written don't stand up very well when read from the written page. Could be just me but I don't think so. So the song I've copied here really rang with me when I heard it recited for the first time about a month ago. I've never heard it performed as a song.

Secondly; this next part has to do with AA but don't go away just yet - the payoff is the song. We'll be there in just a sec. Anyway, in this area, there are a couple of pieces of prose that have been 'adopted' by AA and are routinely read at some group meetings. They are 'The Man In The Glass' (or Gal), and 'Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow' for your information, you uninitiated ones out there. Every once in a while a speaker will close his / her talk by reading something that has been a help to them in sobriety and this song was read at one such meeting recently. This one struck me, as well as a couple of our residents at the time, so I searched it out on-line when we returned from the meeting.

The song is one written by the one and only Hank Williams - the great country swing legend - who died by the bottle on January 1, 1953 at 29 years of age. While I'm not familiar with any of his music I might just have to check it out. (He was a little before my time and I never used to listen to country music.) As always with copyrighted material I'll delete this post upon request from the owners of the material. Without any further ado here is the song: I hope you like it, too.

"Men With Broken Hearts".

You'll meet many just like me upon life's busy street
With shoulders stooped and heads bowed low and eyes that stare in defeat
Or souls that live within the past where sorrow plays all parts
Where a living death is all that's left for men with broken hearts

You have no right to be the judge to criticize and condemn
Just think but for the grace of God it would be you instead of him
One careless step a thoughtless deed and then the misery starts
And to those who weep death comes cheap these men with broken hearts

Oh so humble you should be when they come passing by
For it's written that the greatest men never get too big to cry
Some lose faith in love and life when sorrow shoots her darts
And with hope all gone they walk alone these men with broken hearts

You've never walked in that man's shoes or saw things through his eyes
Or stood and watched with helpless hands while the heart inside you dies
Some were paupers some were kings and some were masters of the arts
But in their shame they're all the same these men with broken hearts

Life sometimes can be so cruel that a heart will pray for death
God why must these living dead know pain with every breath
So help your brother along the road no matter where he starts
For the God that made you made them too these men with broken hearts

Silent night

Lord it's quiet here sometimes. It took a few of the guys a couple of hours to settle for the night but no one has stirred for the last few hours. Phones aren't ringing tonight either. I'll enjoy the peace, I suppose. I haven't even bothered to put any tunes on....... ssshhhhh.

I've kept myself occupied doing some book work and filing, catching up on some emails, crawling the blogs for my regular reads, and reviewing some AA service meeting info. I have to be up early Sunday to attend said service meeting. Later on, on Sunday, stepson #3 has invited Lynda and I over to the townhouse for a roast beef dinner. We just have to furnish the roast; he's cooking it.

Earlier today, after I'd gotten up mid-afternoon, I headed out to do some running around. I presented myself at the return desk of the library to return the books and cd's I had on loan. The gal started flipping through the cases and noticed one of the cd's was misssing and I'm thinking, 'Crap! What have I done now?' Just then an announcement comes over the P.A. saying they are closing in 5 minutes - make your choices and bring them to the desk. I have her check the cd back out to me so I can search for it, dash down the aisle to where I know the biographies are and grabbed the first one that looked interesting. Looking through it a few minutes ago and it's one I read a few months ago - this one is the softcover edition instead of hardcover but hey, the contents are the same. Crap. At home I checked the computers disc drive; no cd. Get to work and check this station; no cd. I have no clue where the damned thing is cuz these are the two places I've played it. Double crap.

So, Lynda was going out with her East Indian Trini friend after work today figuring she would be home around six. She's late, which is par for the course when they're out together, but around 6:30 she calls to say "Go ahead and eat, we're running behind.' Damn, here I'm looking forward to some tasty roti and samosa and hot & sweet dipping sauces for brekkie / dinner. I got my stuff together and stopped at Arby's for a bite on the way to work.

I made it here in time for the in-house AA meeting - each week a different AA group puts it on as a service meeting. Except tonight the group pulled a no-show. Luckily there were enough of our Friday night regulars, mostly alumni, to put it on with the help of a few of the clients doing some of the readings. The show must go on......

Another day almost done -- time to gather my gear, get ready to clear on out of here and home to bed. Have a good one.

Unbelievable

Considering all that has been going on in the world these last number of weeks I was appalled when I just read an article regarding the voter turnout for our election this week. Second lowest ever at 59% of eligible voters. Considering recent events don't you think people would care more about electing a government, instead of less?? Makes no sense to me at all, at all. Incredible. and sad.

Another afterthought: Perhaps people are feeling overwhelmed; like they can't make a difference by casting a vote.

What Else??

It's getting late and I'm feeling about as bright as a 3 watt light bulb so I'm just going to ramble.

On the drive in to work tonight I was thinking about how I'd been meaning to post about the programming revamp to CBC Radio2, what I would have to say about it, and how to say it. Actually I've been holding off because I was trying to be really openminded from the get-go back when they ushered this in back at the beginning of September. Largely it has been a huge disappointment, sorry to say. And I feel really sorry for my favourite on-air personality, Tom Allen, who does the morning drive show. He must look at his playlist some days and just shake his head wanting to cry. While there is some great music being played there is an awful lot that simply doesn't deserve airplay........ it's banal, it's mediocre, it's unappealing to the ear.

I tune in at all different times of day, listen to all the shows, classical, jazz, rock, roots, blues. They've also set up 4 new sub-channels that stream on-line and I've checked them out, too. I suppose what ticks me off is that they have a reputation for excellence and what they're offering up isn't cutting it. And besides, they're operating strictly from tax dollars so I want my moneys worth. More wheat, less chaff please.

On another note - that last gasp of indian summer seems to be over; driven out by a cold front yesterday that brought some rain. It's a cool, clear night tonight with temps around 4C. There might be a bit of frost on the windshield when I go to leave in the morning. The fall colour change is peaking around here, the leaves are falling and there are waves of birds passing through on their migrations.

Some bad news to share - insanity. I'll likely get a tongue lashing here from a couple of on-line amigos but I've broken my smoking quit. Yeah, about a week ago I was going through some stuff and picked up a smoke. Still at it, too. What I feel worse about is I haven't told Lynda as yet because I thought on a daily basis that I wouldn't smoke again. We've only seen each other after I've gotten up, cleaned up and she gets home from work. Shit. I guess tomorrow is crunch time - either tell her or stop. I'd vastly and simply prefer to stop. 7 months down the tubes. But still, that tells me I can do it; I just need to stick with it and get'er done. (Not thinking about drinking or drugging though. :-)

The two main pushes for next week are a) the job search and b) stowing my belongings and getting the house properly organized. I'll need to get some book cases, other sorts of display cases and a couple of dressers in order to have places to actually put things but we can't abide the mess anymore. There might be some things landing in the trash as well. I admit it - I'm a pack rat. When did I move back?? May?? I think so. Gotta get my sound system set up too - I miss my tunes. Hmmm... procrastination.... character defect.

Time to check on the moon and the stars.......

Afterthought - About an hour after all the clients had gone to bed one of them got up for a talk. We had a nice long leisurely one about his primary danger for relapse once he leaves treatment tomorrow - resentment. He had been betrayed by his best friend and he is struggling with how to get over the hurt inflicted on him and all the other emotions wrapped up in that. That and his desire for revenge. It felt good to hash that stuff out with him and offer some meaningful ways of dealing with it. Patience, prayer, and enduring progress not perfection. Keep the good memories; dispense the bad ones. What are the reasonable expectations? What is the best possible outcome for everyone? How long is he willing to carry the crappy feelings around, and at what cost to himself? to his sanity? He shook my hand, gave me a hug, wished me well and went to bed smiling.

It's A Wrap

Although I normally try to post nightly during my work weeks I missed last night as I read the last 100 pages of Gonzo: The Life Of Hunter S Thompson. Actually I stayed here late because I didn't want to leave the last 10 pages unread before I went home. I'm glad I did. It had made me want to revisit some of his writing that I have previously read and track down some that has been recommended. For anyone who has an interest in him and his writing I recommend this book to gain a better insight to the man behind the typewriter.

Things I liked: - the variety of sources, or as described in the book, the cast of voices. Everyone from the unknown guy next door to the high profile rich and famous chip in here with their perspective and talk about the common experiences they shared. Family, friends, colleagues, film stars, politicians....... you name it.
- the extent to which they were willing to share about how deeply their lives had been affected by Thompson.
- the fact that, at least as I perceive it, it's got a tone of unswerving honesty to it. Good, bad or ugly it's in there whether it reflects well on Thompson or not.

I found the first half of the book laid all the necessary background of his upbringing, education and early career including the early Rolling Stone years. As it progresses into the second half it covers the highwater marks and then the gradual decline; it gets darker and darker.

If you'd like to go to the motherlode for information regarding Hunter check out www.hstbooks.wordpress.com. On a couple of my previous posts I had comments from Martin - the fellow whose blog that is - so I did a little checking and came upon his site. I nosed around the site for a while earlier on tonight and like I said - it's the motherlode. Great commentary, how to find the 'hard to find', audio and video recordings, information on limited editions..... check it out.

Hmmmm..... what to read next??

This Just In......

Our Prime Minister has retained his job with a minority government in todays election..... a larger minority than previous but still not the majority he wanted. It's probably a good thing as it keeps his party working with the others and keeps him from having free rein to do as he pleases.

The final tally won't be complete until morning but I don't expect there will be any surprises. Must go see who got in in my riding.

Hallelujah - no more political attack ads!! Woo-Hoo!!

Gonzo

Once again I'm back into Hunter S Thompson's biography by Jann Wenner and Corey Seymour - GONZO: The Life of Hunter S Thompson. At about the halfway point it continues to be very, very good. Part of that feeling is, I suppose, the fact that I've never read another one written in this way. It is described as an oral history and was compiled from hundreds of interviews with the people whose lives were impacted most by Thompson. A few submissions are very short paragraphs while others run a couple of pages. Many of them are detailing aspects of the same events but from these different people's points of view. Everything is arranged chronologically right from boyhood onward.

Back in my teens and twenties I read Rolling Stone regularly and always looked forward to Thompson's work. I found elements of Kerouac and Kesey in his writing - the whole hyped up stream of consciousness flow that drew me in. As time wore on I became less enamoured of him as the whole public persona became for me a caricature of his former self. (The Uncle Duke character in Gary Trudeau's 'Doonesbury' cartoon was a direct steal of that persona.) Eventually I stopped searching him out, stopped reading his material. In the books foreword Wenner details some of Thompson's writing which he considers to be among his best. Out of respect for the man I'll do my best to track it down and check it out because when Thompson was on, he was smoking hot. He cracked me up, he scared me and gave me chills of excitement.

I recalled having seen this article about the memorial held a few months following Thompson's death by suicide. Talk about going out in unforgettable style. I'll link to it here: it is published by Associated Press and I found it at msnbc. The link will be taken down by request.

This book, Gonzo, was obviously a labour of love devoted to celebrating a writing genius. I highly recommend reading it.

Ring Round The Moon

Ahhh, back at work again. 3 a.m. and the moon is almost full. There is an enormous ring around it. How big?? With arms extended the ring is as wide as two fists on each side. That is big!!

This past week was way too hectic; too much running for me and it made the days choppy. A couple of hours at home, then a couple at Mom's with her dog, back home to let our two out to run, out the door to pick up stepson #3 from his job and get him home, home to eat, back to Mom's. You get the picture - that was my week. Not enough time at home to really apply myself to any one thing but I did strike many small things off my to-do list. Bits and pieces add up eventually.

The best and most consistent thing about it was the weather; it has been really fine for this time of year. Clear skies, warm temps. Beautiful! It's supposed to continue until mid-week before it cools off and we get some rain. Today is Thanksgiving so amidst the prevailing big picture chaos I'll remember to be grateful for the small picture blessings. Wife, home, family, work, relative sanity and health..... and I don't mention it often but yes, sobriety. Makes life sooooo much easier. 5 years, 2 months and counting, a day at a time.

Coming back to work after the week off is always an eyeopener because the mood of the residence can change so drastically with ongoing admissions and discharges. Right now it's a pretty good well motivated group of guys with one exception. I'm keeping a close eye on one mentally disturbed guy and doing frequent checks on him - suicide watch. Come morning I expect he will be discharged and transferred to a mental health facility until he is stabilized. Address the mental health issues and then tackle his addiction problems. We aren't set up to help him properly here.

A couple of hours ago I called my daughter out in Vancouver for a quickie check in. She has begun working a few days a week now that Zeph is over a year old. The poor little guy has had the flu for the last few days but is showing signs of improvement. He's also teething like crazy - 5 or 6 teeth - so that isn't helping. Tomorrow night I'll try to time it right so I can speak to my son in Calgary to find out how that grand-daughter of mine is doing. News has been scanty on that front lately. 2 and a half months old already.

Lynda is recuperating nicely from her dental surgery but still has some pain, swelling and bruising. It takes a lot to slow that girl down. She's glad to be off the mushy diet now.

Listening tonight to Steve Earle's Washington Square Serenade (brilliant); Susan Tedeschi's Hope and Desire (beautiful); New Guitar Summit's Shivers(bodacious). Dylan's visit to our town is just a month away so next up will be Modern Times (bewitching) - gotta get warmed up for that date with Bob. Hmmmm... anyone catch Tegan and Sara on Letterman last week?? Good stuff.

Time for another look at that big ole moon.

Ah, Summer...

Just enjoying a quick look back at some summer pics and found this one of my main bud L'il O & I from his week long visit with us. I suppose I'll have to quit calling him "L'il" cuz he is four and a half, doncha know? and going to school just like the big kids.

It is Wednesday already and this week is blowing by in a hurry. Although I've been fighting some sort of low grade virus I've been doing an awful lot of work and running around. I'm hoping when Lynda arrives home shortly I will have a chance to sit and do some writing. There is a pile of stuff that needs doing that I haven't had a chance to tackle during the day.

Election stuff - I caught the first hour of the presidential debate and thought both McCain and Obama represented themselves well. I don't envy the American electorate in having to make that choice once they enter the voting booth. As it moved into the second hour I changed channels to an interview with the Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper to see what he had to say for himself. He seems to be the one making the most sense and sticking to the high road - not slagging the other candidates. One week to go until the vote for us.

Gotta go - the clothes dryer just buzzed........ Later!

The Countdown Is On

Just 2 hours until my workweek is over. Hallelujah!

Lynda had some dental surgery on Friday and she is in surprisingly good spirits despite being full of stitches and having to eat only mushy foods. Swollen and discoloured and uncomfortable too. I'll have a shortened sleep and get up to help her with that job we do each weekend.

Monday I chair our AA home group meeting and I lined up a speaker for it earlier tonight. She is a counsellor at our women's treatment centre and I'm looking forward to hearing her.

I didn't think it was a good idea to rework my resume here at work this week so I'll be into that in coming days along with cover letters to be sent in response to a couple of postings I've seen lately. A hateful exercise but a necessary one.

This is the lead up week into our Canadian Thanksgiving long weekend and the turkey is already bought. Yeehaw! I imagine we will have a houseful come Sunday. Unfortunately I have to be back at work Sunday evening so dinner will be an early one.

There will be daily visits to Mom's place all week as my sister Linda left last night to visit a friend in Florida. She and Mom just got a new puppy and Mom will need a break from running after it.

My American blog friends will be jealous of this what with the seemingly never ending buildup to their election. We're having a federal election here too. The entire campaign from start to finish is 37 days. Yes, 37 DAYS!! Our PM brought this one on by having the Governor General dissolve parliament before the end of his mandate but the polls show he may get himself a majority government out of it. Thank God we don't have to put up with months on end of politicking and rhetoric and back biting. 5 parties, 3 of which are contenders, and no real choices. Want fries with that?

The weather has cleared up and really cooled off. I was just outside and it's about 7degC - the stars are brilliant. Orion is splayed out right over head. I hope to spend lots of time out of doors this week puttering, walking and taking some pictures.

Time to wrap things up and put this baby to bed. Later......

Further Musings.....

....... when I wrote that post about mental health I didn't realize that this is Mental Illness Awareness Week here in Canada. Go figure - coincidences happen. I found that out while rummaging through Saturday's papers and found this column by Robyn Sarah in Toronto's Globe and Mail. So, credit due and all that business...... (and if the author or publishers would like this link taken down simply contact me.)

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/LAC.20081004.BKREAD04//TPStory/Entertainment

The article is a good read and she gives a synopsis of three books written by people who have lived with mental illness. I read, back when it was released, Mark Vonnegut's 'Eden Express' and appreciated the courage and honesty that went into the writing of it.

....................................................................................................................................

.....but as to the 'further musings', a couple of other things occurred to me so indulge me for a few minutes here.

As to the seasonal change effect... for myself I think it simply has to do with the transition into a time of year that I don't like. Autumn I can handle but it is full of foreboding about the fact that winter is in the offing. Winter seems to me to last FOREVER..... and can't be over soon enough. I don't believe I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) but I'm mindful of it's existence. As a preventative measure I start to push vitamin D at this time of year along with B complex.

On a different tack some of us are more sensitive to media input than others; I become in part what I watch, read and hear. Make any sense?? There are a couple of threads to this, one of which is application of the Serenity Prayer which helps me differentiate between those things that are within my control from those that aren't.... period. I have a choice to make. I can either continue to follow the big issues and fret over them - elections here and south of the border, global financial disasters, etc, etc.... or I can tune out ostrich-like and change the channel or shut the damned thing off. Buy in or opt out. Simple. Watch the comedy channel or listen to some music; go for a walk. Unrelenting, prolonged periods of stress kill me.

Beyond perhaps casting a vote I can't do much about those 'big' issues mentioned above and in my previous post I detailed some ways I combat or try to prevent the crunch. What I didn't spell out while talking about the thought process and the benefits of talking with others about these sorts of concerns is the necessity of ACTION. Of course thought and talk are important but if they don't translate into some form of action the point is lost. 'Willingness without action is fantasy.' That 'morph' from the intangible to the tangible becomes a sentient trigger that propels me into an entirely different frame of mind and the important thing is that 'change'. If I choose to remain idle I feel useless and become bogged down in the mess.

While the world at large sometimes seems to be going to hell in a handbasket and life doesn't always appear to be turning out as I would like there is always (too) cause for hope, and optimism, and gratitude, and happiness. Life may not be a bowl of cherries but it is also a long way from being the pits.

That is all that comes to mind for now - I might chip in on this topic again.

Dialogue on Mental Illness

Roaming around the blogs during the last few weeks I've noticed quite a few posts mentioning a variety of mental illnesses - anxiety disorders, episodes of depression, and major disorders like bipolar. To my mind these sorts of disclosures and dialogue are very good things and it is one of the ways in which the anonymity of the internet has positive effect. Anything that further enhances any individuals ability to reach out, connect, get information, get feedback, or express themselves is very beneficial.

Myself, I've disclosed here before having suffered through and recovered from two bouts of clinical depression which were spaced approximately 10 years apart. I remember clearly how isolating and debilitating those times were; how tough they were to get through especially when there were times I wanted nothing more than to simply throw in the towel and give up. At the time one of the things I found most confounding was that there seemed to be no 'cause and effect' at work. It seemed I had gone to bed one night perfectly fine; next morning I had sunk into a world that was foreign to me - no colour, no light, no happiness, little feeling of any kind except despair.

Since having pulled out of the last episode I try on a regular basis to engage in a self monitoring exercise as a way of taking my mental 'temperature'. It helps me to identify trends in moods and perception of my world. I pay much closer attention than I used to to nutrition and enforcing regular eating habits. One way in which I endanger myself is working shifts on an ongoing basis and constantly upsetting my sleep patterns. (Awareness is half the battle.) Seasonal changes have a definite affect on me - with the days drastically shortening and the prospect of winter breathing down my neck I feel myself steeling as if for battle.... and perhaps for me it is.

So I try to be conscious of the things I can do for myself and be responsible so far as possible for my mental health. Proper nutrition, proper rest, light exercise, exposure to the outdoors, variety of experience, vitamin supplements, read, draw, take photos, plan a project and execute it. Live.... But more than any other single thing is the human contact; sharing the experience, reading about others, talking with others about mine, writing. With my wife, family, friends, doctor, co-workers, online friends... whoever I have in my corner helping prevent me from returning to 'the pit'.

Sometimes the best thing for me is to be of use to someone else.

Chillin' With Zimmy

Yeah, so, like, Bob & I..... we'll be spending an evening together one night next month.

S'right..... me & Bob. As in Dylan. Yeah. Like that. Tight.

Can't wait. Couldn't pass on this. Too close to home.

Visa loves me, yes I know. We only pass this way once, right?

Tweaked....

Last night I got around to a couple of changes here on the blog that I had intended doing for some time. Finally I got around to updating my profile seeing as how I had another birthday, another grandchild and Lynda and I reconciled and have been back under one roof again for 4 months. I can't believe it has already been that long but.....

The other thing was making a couple of great additions to the blog roll - Stumbling Along The Path..... and red Ravine. So, welcome to lazy buddhist and QuoinMonkey and ybonesy - I think 2 of the 3 paid a visit today and I had a nice note from yb.

I had already written a couple of posts by the time I made those changes so my hands were pretty fried for the night. Mea culpa; I didn't write a warning note to lazy buddhist about the link addition. The balance of the night was spent reading the rest of the Alice Walker biography and listening to the cd's I got. So far, by far, my favourite of the cd's is Susan Tedeschi's 'Hope and Desire'. Absolutely great - find it, buy it, listen to it - you'll love it.

Come morning there will be a pre-sale on tickets for that Dylan concert I mentioned in a previous post - I'm thinking I'll bite the bullet and buy a pair. (Let's see; I've saved how much money by not having smoked for almost 7 months?? There's gotta be a pay off here somewhere.)

Time for a stretch............ later.

Words, Music and Pictures

Another pit stop at the library on the way to work tonight....

I hadn't finished the Alice Walker biography and hadn't cracked the cover of the Hunter S Thompson (Gonzo) one so I renewed them both. One or two more nights of reading for Walker's.

Lots more music
(2005) Bruce Cockburn's 'Speechless'. Journeyman Canadian singer, songwriter, guitarist.
(2005) Jars of Clay 'Redemption Songs'. Christian music band out of Tennessee.
(2001) Ben Folds 'Rockin' the Suburbs'. American singer, songwriter, multi instrumentalist.
(1999) Carlos Del Junco 'Big Boy'. Cuban / Canadian blues harmonica player.
(2006) Kenny Wayne Shepherd '10 Days Out'-Blues From the Backroads. CD & DVD
(2005) Susan Tedeschi 'Hope and Desire' Spectacular American blues guitarist and singer now based in Florida. I love her voice.

I had a little more time to look around at the library this time; it wasn't a hurried dash in and out. There is a 'new' DVD bin (new to me anyway) and I found a couple of old releases that I wanted to see. The DeNiro / Foster smash 'Taxi Driver' from 1976.... and 2004's 'Big Fish'. I don't think I've seen Taxi Driver since seeing it in the theatre when it was released so it will be all 'new' to me again.

Kinda Funny.... or not

ew! Nice red blood you got there!

As Lynda was readying herself for work the other day I headed outside to dismantle a wooden surround on our front deck. I hefted a hammer and then a hatchet, choosing the hatchet in favour of its slightly greater weight. Lynda came to see what the noise was about when I'd made the first couple of mighty whacks - 'You be careful swinging that thing around, hear?'

'Yeah, yeah..... I'm using the butt end not the blade.'

I switched it over to my left hand and took a couple of quick backswings, felt the snick-tug on the back of my forearm and thought nothing of it... more focused on where I was aiming the blows and the damage I was doing. Then I felt this curious warm sensation moving down my arm; DAMN! Bloody, blood blood everydamnedplace.

'Hey hon - suppose you could help clean this up before you go??'
"Damn it Norm, you're bound and determined to make me late, aren't you? What the hell have you done to yourself?"

On the inside curve of the blade there was a tiny metal burr that I caught myself on. Imagine the mess I could have made with the business side of a hatchet.

You should see me around large machinery........