This, That & The Other

Via email my relapsing friend asked me to accompany him to a meeting tonight once I got home and I'm just in from that. It's 2 months to the day since he went back out and he's had quite a struggle. I asked him what all he's willing to do for himself in order to recover, regain his health and a measure of sanity. To write it down. Make a list (check it twice). Then contract with himself to abide with those measures. He already knows the price to be paid if he defaults on the deal he makes with himself. We're going to another meeting when I get in tomorrow night.

Seeing as how I hadn't planned to go out tonight I'm a little behind - so there are a couple of important emails that won't be written (?) perhaps until the weekend. Apologies - you know who you are.

The core group of us who hit it off from our Addictions course a couple of years ago are getting together Friday night. It's highly amusing watching the lot of them blowing off steam and getting tight after working with alkies and druggies all week. I'm the only one in recovery; they're all regular 'earth' people (as I call them). There will be half a dozen ex-students, a few of our partners and our instructor. I'm looking forward to it as we haven't done this in close to a year. Lots of catching up to do.

I also had an email from that sponsee of mine who is on a project far to the north. He said they had already had snow and were forecasting a dumping of 3 feet......yes, FEET!! Better him than me, by geez.

Lynda and I are planning to visit L'il O this Sunday coming and are very much looking forward to it. Bright, engaging, outgoing, happy....what else could you want for a child??

Clarity

So, about work...... my job up at the 'house' was assured until we made a decision about the position downtown. I called my manager at the house and he wants me to fill in a day counsellor position for a couple of weeks until that fellow is back from sick leave. Then I told the manager downtown I wasn't interested in working in that office anymore but, that I would hang in until next Wednesday. That way I have a couple of days to get some things out of the way that need doing plus **a free weekend**. (That in itself is as rare as hen's teeth.) Back to the 'house'for a couple of weeks on day rotation... then likely nights again. I looked at the schedule for nights and it would mean I'd be working the entire Xmas week again. Sarah, Daniel and Zeph are supposed to be here from the 18th to 28th - I'll have to work something out.

Man In White

Here I thought I knew a fair bit about Johnny Cash but while shopping the other day I discovered that besides all his other attributes and talents Johnny was also a published author. His novel "Man In White" is the result of many years of bible study and is Mr. Cash's take on the apostle Paul. While I'm not that far into it as yet Johnny succeeds in painting a picture with his words that put every day life into context and give life to the characters. I look forward to gleaning greater understanding through his writing.

This republished volume features a short dedication by Billy Graham, a lengthy introduction by Johnny explaining the background of his writings; and an afterword by John Carter Cash.

Seek and ye shall find....... (but I'll lend it to you when I see you BJ)

Best Laid Plans....

...of mice and men often go awry......

So much for that idea - this other hard drive must be older than I thought. Some of the connector ends are different so some things don't fit. No go.

Maybe I can finance a new one ...... hmmm ..... a brand new plan.

Oh,...and another thing - booted up in this mode I generally can't get into hotmail for some strange reason..... so that means even if anyone was to comment to a post I wouldn't be able to get at it to publish it. *update* - and of course I didn't have my thinking cap on when I wrote that. Get into Blogger, comments moderation page, publish and comment. EASY Norm; just think about it.**

Yep, Still Around.....

....not square y'know.

I haven't been in evidence much lately for a couple of reasons, well... maybe a few. The weekend was spent running around with Lynda; out and about, mainly shopping. Then there are ongoing computer problems; sometimes it'll boot up and sometimes it decides not to. The plan is to switch over to another harddrive tonight as I'm sick of this tempermental so-and-so. Then there's work which is another story entirely. By the time I get home, cook dinner and clean things up it's damned near bedtime as I have to be up before 5. Last night I went straight from the train to my home group meeting and wasn't home until close to 10. (I know - cry me a river.)

Things are good between Lynda and I. She's into a rare 2nd week of doing afternoon shift so we have only been together on the weekend. We check in via phone and email during the course of our days. Heh, heh....there's an email now. Phone call later.

This switch at work from the Tx centre to our intake & assessment office was meant as a trial to see how I fit in and whether I liked it enough to stick there or not. I told the boss this morning that I'm not staying. I was trying to be openminded and make some adjustments but at the final tally - I don't care for that sort of work. Constantly talking on the phone and entering data on the computer. Nah, not for me. There certainly are a lot of sick people out there looking for help with their addictions though.

Must go and eat - and post this before it crashes. Later.

Age(ing)less Questions

WHY.....when the hair on my head is thinning and receding like there is no tomorrow.....am I suddenly sprouting hair on the tippy-top of my shoulders??? Can anyone explain that?

WHY......when I've spent all day sitting on my butt at a desk in front of a computer on the phone....are my legs tired??? Does that make sense?

DID you know???..... that if your nose runs and your feet smell, you are built upside down.

WHY.....as some men age do they lose their butts?? I used to have a nice one but someone seems to have swiped it.....or hit me repeatedly in the ass with a 2 X 8 board.

Inquiring minds want to know.

The First Day.....

....on the job is supposed to feel a bit strange, right??



After a few introductions, a quick status meeting and a whirlwind orientation....there I was!! Not knowing exactly how to use a particular software I played around a bit checking out different fields and then plugged in a headset to start fielding phone calls. Oh yeah, didn't know how to use this phone system properly either.....oops; heh, heh. Dropped a couple of calls but I don't think anyone was hurt too badly.



All in all not a bad day but not swimmingly fabulous either. I felt I was thrown into the drink with the expectation I knew how to swim. Treading water is better than drowning. Dog paddle tomorrow and by next week the Australian Crawl!!



Did I mention it's in a big office tower - here's the view from my window. Right next to heaven.

Eloquence

From time to time I'll see a bit of writing that stops me in my tracks, makes me pause and it continues to rattle about my cranium; echoing. They are simple words and not a lot of them but when combined in just this way they have tremendous power......with me anyway.

The quote was posted today in one called 'Reclaiming Peace' by Robin at Bountiful Healing - the quote itself comes from the published diaries of Etty Hillesum called An Interrupted Life.

This sounds like another must read. I have list on list (thanks BJ) of books I must get to - pitter, patter - better get to the library & get busy.

Robin - I'm very glad you're so well read and decided to 'collect' and journal all these quotes. Thanks for sharing.

Forwarded Emails......

......pro or con???

I don't mean to centre anyone out but, just for instance, my friend JPW sent on a couple of emails today. (and yes John, you are my friend) One of them was one of those friendship ones that you're supposed to return to sender and forward on to those you consider to be friends. Sorry John but I very, very rarely do those although I certainly appreciate the sentiment attached. You wouldn't be in my contact list if you weren't a friend. (I tend not to email my legion of enemies; I ignore them.)

Now the other one I did like and I'll make it available upon request.....but you have to ask for it. By the look of it it has likely been knocking around for awhile just in light of a couple of things it references....but to me it's a tremendous perspective piece by Ben Stein. Ben is a humourist and commentator in the U.S. and this piece is attributed to him. It is about Christianity, Judaism, people's right to choice regarding spirituality and religion, and the way society is going particularly in the U.S. While I don't agree 100% with every thing he says his writing does provoke thought. I think that is a good thing.

So, friend JPW, continue to send them - I'll sort them - but don't be offended if you don't get them back.

Same Book.....

....just closing this chapter.

There are still details to be worked out Monday regarding this change in jobs but essentially once I complete my shift tonight, this part of the story is over. So I find myself casting about the residence making sure all the duties have been done to my satisfaction and collecting whatever possessions and resources I have scattered around. Because I'm moving into a Monday to Friday, 9 to 5 type job I'll have little opportunity to come back here. I'll miss this place and the people I work with here. It has been my second home; they have been my brothers and sisters.

This week marks two years since I began doing the night shift and each week I worked we have gone out to 5 area meetings. One of the unexpected side benefits of that is the friendships that have grown at each of those meeting places. I could name some names but to you they would only be names; to me they are faces and personal histories and struggles and triumphs, walking talking miracles. We are a community within our society who support one another in our common goals; sobriety, sanity, service and serenity.

In a strange series of coincidences at each meeting this week I was asked to participate in one way or another, to do a reading, interpret the slogans and tonight I was asked at the last minute to speak by my friend Cindy. So, in service, I was able to relate what brought me to the rooms, what was key in recovery and what life is like now living a recovering life. Public speaking isn't my strong suit as being the focus of attention is one of my biggest ongoing fears......but through regular confrontation of that fear things are getting better. In light of the fact that I'm thoroughly fatigued I didn't feel I did the best of jobs but I gave the best talk I could come up with.

This has been quite a week. Mom and I have spoken on the phone a couple of times and I told her I love her; she loves me too. Sarah, Daniel and I talked the other night and I was able to congratulate him on a significant achievement. Sarah held the phone up to Zeph so I could hear him gooing and cooing over the long distance line. I told Sarah I love her; she loves me too. I spent whatever time I could with Lynda and told her I love her. She won't admit it in words very often but I can tell by her actions she loves me too. She holds me, hugs me, kisses me and wishes me good night when I leave for work. I helped a sponsee with some step work and didn't tell him I love him - I did tell him I greatly admired his dedication and tireless efforts in his bid to recover. He's building himself a terrific foundation at quite a pace. He flies north today. My 'relapsing' friend came over for a couple of hours today; we drank a lot of coffee, smoked a bunch of cigarettes and talk, talk, talked until I had to boot him out so I could come to work. He has arrested his relapse and is 3 days sober now. He's my friend. I was able to help a counsellor through the initial shock of losing his mother suddenly. Another friend. I relinquished this job for the opportunity to try another.

Where is this going; what is it I have to say?

My life is rich and I'm grateful. I'm blessed.

Crazy Day

It was nuts - I had to take my phone to bed with me today in order to get the call about the job, couldn't see who was calling and so answered a number of calls. Very little, very broken sleep - now one very tired guy.

As soon as I'd woken and got coffee on my sponsee arrived and we got into a drawn out version of his 5th step. It might have been because I wasn't completely with it and wasn't very directive but it was a wide ranging inventory which took a few hours. I'd been invited by Lynda to dinner over at the house and was too late to eat with her but enjoyed a good roast beef dinner. Better late than sorry..... and good to see her.

Thankfully work has been quiet and my work was out of the way early.

I've had a few emails tonight from my relapsing friend - he has 2 sober days under his belt and is coming for coffee when I get up today. Keep coming back bud.

Just one more night shift.......

Celebration II

Earlier today I got a little clarification AND some conflicting information regarding upcoming changes. It can't ever seem to be the easy way, dammit.

Anyway, either for the short term or long I'm off the night shift. Beginning Wednesday I'm transferring to our downtown Toronto location for a couple of weeks, apparently on a trial basis, to see how I fit in. If I'm a decent fit I'll decide whether I want to stay and have a steady diet of that sort of work.

Getting there will involve a 1 1/2 hour commute morning and night via commuter train and subway. Luckily I live just a short car ride from the train station here. (Finally I'll have some time to read!! and I have a back list of books I'd like to get into.)

The job is at our central intake and assessment centre; the work will be assessing potential clients level of need and appropriateness for treatment via interviews and administration of standardized tests.

Hallelujah; it's a day job!!

Celebration I

Who'da thunk it? After having made a couple of blogging friends, following their mostly daily entries, commenting on their posts and developing a dialogue through background emails I followed their encouragement and made my initial blog post one year ago today. Yaaaaaayyy!!

So, thanks to Michelle of Seeking Serenity in South Africa; and to Kel of the x facta in Oz for those initial prods to action. Also to Glen of theWorldwideGlen in Seattle for his kind words. Following my nose and links on sites I've made a couple of friends along the way - Robin at Bountiful Healing / and Life In The Bogs in Ohio (whose writing and photography I very much admire); and a couple of 'Sue's' - one in Nevada who has been very encouraging whenever I mention smoking/quitting - and also Sue formerly of callinitquits in Wisconsin, a remarkable lady and terrific writer.

This has also provided a vehicle to stay in touch with a couple of friends locally - JPW and 'fuzzychip'; and my cuz BJ - glad to have you along for the ride.

Any of you who have been around since the beginning know this has been quite a ride; a few twists, turns and tumbles on the way. Thanks for sticking around and for your care - your comments and emails have made a huge difference for me. You've helped me through a couple of very rough spots and also fight the isolation of working night shift. Gracias.

Oh, and as for the little graphic at the top - I was going to bake a cake but I had to settle for a couple of minutes with the 'paint' program. Such an artiste!!! C'est la vie.

Blowin' In The Wind.....

(....with thanks to Bob Dylan.......)

What's that ablowin'?? Seems like the winds of sweeping change.

When I got up today there was a message waiting for me. I can't say much yet but by the middle of next week my situation may have changed drastically. I should have some word on it later today. Cross your fingers. Meanwhile I'll try not to count my chickens before they've hatched. Funny though - much as I've been wanting change I'm not sure this is the one I want; that it'll be a good fit. One way to find out.....


Tonight has been rough. Just as we returned from our outside meeting, the counsellor I'm working with tonight called me aside to tell me he'd had word his mother died at dinner time. He didn't know whether to stay or go; he was in shock. We talked from 9:30 until 1:00 a.m. and I'm glad he decided not to go anywhere. I've been playing catch up since he went to bed - back to work now.

Food Stuffs

So far today:
Breakie - 4 coffees, 2 kinds of cereal with milk

Dinner with Lynda - what we call a 'jig's dinner'; Boiled corned beef with potatoes, turnip, carrot and onion. 1/4 of a lemon meringue pie & tea.

Snacks - a pecan tart, granola bar, chocolate covered almonds, a couple of date turnovers, lots more tea.

Work dinner - there's always a meal left for me, same as whatever is served to the guys in treatment. Tonight it was a heaping spaghetti dinner complete with garlic bread.

Before I head home I'll likely have more cereal and of course, more tea.

Funny, I don't feel full yet......but I'm working on it.

(looking at that list - too much sugar & starches; not enough protein)

Aaahh... Much Better Now

I was glad to get last night behind me, get on down the driveway and head for home & bed. My brain felt like it had been through the blender by then.....and it was all self-imposed. Imagine that! Damned alkies.

Speaking of alkies: a couple of weeks previous to Audrey's 50th I had invited Lynda to go, reminded her of the invitation a few days prior, and at dinner time Saturday asked if she'd decided whether to attend or not. "Didn't you notice I had milk with dinner and not wine? Yes, I thought I'd come." Cool. Typically at that meeting there would be between 60 & 75 people; that night there were well in excess of 200. The overflow sat in an upstairs gallery at the back of the hall. I introduced her to a lot of the people I knew and pointed out others whose names she knew by my having talked about them.
Audrey could have chosen anyone she liked to take part in the meeting and I'd envisioned a 'who's who' of AA oldtimers from this area and Toronto. She displayed another facet of personality by sticking with members of her home group, both long term members and newcomers alike. As part of her closing remarks she said that if anyone's nose was out of joint at not having been asked to participate that they'd have to wait for her 55th anniversary medallion. Atta girl! (she'd be 92 by then) She did break with tradition in a way that I hadn't seen before by having a song played on the piano and sung by a friend of hers - a country/gospel song "One Day At A Time, Sweet Jesus" which was written by Marijohn Wilkins and Kris Kristofferson. It surprised me that Lynda knew the words and sang along but then she was brought up listening to that kind of music; I wasn't.
When the crowd thinned around Audrey at the end of the evening I took Lynda up to introduce her. First Audrey made a big fuss over me and gave me a big hug, then when I introduced Lynda she made an even bigger fuss over her. Audrey thanked her for taking a Saturday night out to come and spend it with a bunch of retired drunks; and that she'd heard a great deal about her. "Hang onto this guy; there's something special about him." (Thanks Audrey.) I told her how happy I was that her evening had gone so smoothly, so well and well attended. She looked great, happy and relaxed, decked out in a nice black dress with a smattering of sequins.

When I got Lynda talking about the meeting the next morning she said it was the only one she's been to that she had enjoyed. (That might have been her 3rd or 4th meeting) It had helped that we'd run into one guy earlier in the day while shopping who was also the first person we saw when we arrived at the meeting. I was glad for her to meet some of the people I'm closest to in the program and for her to be able to put faces with some of the names she's come to know.

Long Or Short.....

.....this is one of those posts which I have no idea where it might wind up (could be deleted) or what may be revealed.

I'm in a strange frame of mind as I'm processing some discouraging news. Nothing terribly upsetting but it has managed to throw my brain into a controlled overdrive nonetheless. So I won't be waxing poetic, lyrical nor eloquent tonight. I had considered adhering to my grandmother's advice and say nothing at all if I had nothing good to say but bear with me..... I might manage to come up with something.

Resolution - I like making these ones I have no problem complying with; I'm stuffed.

Tangent - I'm aware of the fact that lately this has become largely anecdotal, day-to-day reporting of events once again and that really isn't where I want this to be headed so I'm considering what I might do about that. (note to self for tomorrow tho - Audrey's medallion)

Dilemma - A program friend of mine has some notriety in their career and I was curious about their work so I 'googled' her last night. Some of her work is biographical and so now I know much more about her than seems appropriate even though it is public knowledge. Do I disclose I found specifics when all I was looking for was general information about projects she has worked on? Or simply shut up?

JPW - if you haven't connected with that counsellor you inquired about - he's overnight Tuesday.

One of my sponsees is leaving this weekend for a remote location in the far north to work on an installation project. We're working out the logistics this week for regular communications either by phone, email or a combination thereof. He also wants to do his 5th step with me before he leaves - we'll have to find a way to fit that in.

Sarah's Daniel has a significant anniversary today - here's to continued success with that. Sarah sent a couple of new pictures of Zeph tonight but the link won't open. If I can open it from home I'll save and post them. I'll be talking with them later on tonight passing on congratulations.

For quite a time, by mutual consent, Lynda and I were leaving issues alone in order to see where things might lead. We've been getting on really well so over the course of the last few days we've cracked the lid off that stuff and started to gently explore things an item at a time. If things get heated we back off, allow one another the right to differing opinion and drop it for the time being. It's a start....... I can stand some upset providing it leads in the direction of resolution.

This Week's Resolution

Eat !!!!!!!!

As I climbed into bed last night Lynda asked if I'd lost weight again. 'Not that I know of - haven't checked.' Sure enough, when I got on the scale today, I found that I'm down almost 5 pounds (that I really can't afford to lose). How that is possible I couldn't begin to tell you unless I shivered it off. I got caught a couple of times this week with clothing that wasn't heavy enough for the vastly cooler temps and got severely chilled for a few hours.

So, I'm resolving to eat anything and everything this week without consideration regarding calories, sugars, sodium, fats or anything else. Just eat and maybe buy some protein powder for shakes to bulk me up. I need the insulation before it gets really cold.

Any tips??

Keeping Promises......

........albeit belatedly; I do try.

This first one is for Kel - it doesn't reproduce well here but this is an oldie of mine. I developed the negative and printed it at home many years ago; took it to work and blew it up on a process camera, making a half-tone image of it and reprinting it. In the original it's a very textural shot with the grain of the wood standing out; the lighting is also very effective giving the various surfaces a wide range of grays.


This is the only shot I've taken this year of fall foliage. The weather this week hasn't been very co-operative; cloudy, damp, blaaaahh. Maybe tomorrow???

These days I can't see a gate, a door, a path without thinking of Robin. When I saw this house in Vancouver with the nice low stone wall and gate I had to snap a shot. This one's for you.

We took a bus tour while we were in Vancouver. Normally it would have taken us to the botanical garden but it had sustained such enormous damage in the storms they had at the end of last year that we were taken instead to the gardens at a Chinese cultural centre. Every piece of material it took to erect, furnish and decorate the building was brought from China; and this includes all the plantings in the gardens. Now you would expect a photo of said garden, right? No, sorry. The floors fascinated me; each room's floor was different but all had the same attention to detail as the one shown here. Hand laid stone by stone; beautiful!

Lynda and I instantly fell in love with this fearless 3 year old as she calmly fed the pigeons swarming around her. As they fed she stroked their backs and gently spread their wings between her fingers. Every few minutes she looked up and smiled the most blissfully happy of smiles and then turned her attention back to her flock.

Thursday Musings...

.....any idea why my weeks off always get so full??................

The run down .... Monday night's home group meeting was a good one, good speaker with a strong message. He is an alumni of 'the house' and just celebrated one year sobriety. After the meeting I spent some time with that friend who had relapsed all summer and is just coming back. We're supposed to be heading out to a meeting later on tonight. I checked in yesterday with my other friend who is in mid relapse mode and let him know our friendship isn't based on whether he is sober, or not. I invited him to come along too. He seems lost in handling life's pressures.

Tuesday was a run around day - Lynda and I were supposed to meet for dinner before going to the movies. She stood me up at dinner but managed to make it to the show - 'Across The Universe'. The movie was good, especially for anyone who likes the music of the Beatles as the story line is built around their songs. It started off well, had a weak middle section and finished strong. The leads are all played by actors and singers that aren't familiar to me but there were also some interesting cameo performances - Joe Cocker, Bono, Tim Curry. The vocal performances and arrangements are excellent; to the point that I almost burst into tears a few times. Such a tough guy, I am.....not.

Yesterday I worked. I had imagined I'd be doing a typical dayshift and running a couple of meetings. It turned out I was filling in for the overnight counsellor for the day portion of his shift so I was on admissions and discharges plus one fellows review. I got on the ball and stayed on it and managed to have all my work done in plenty of time before I was relieved at days end. As I was driving home Lynda called to see if I'd like the dinner we'd missed the night before - sure!! Hot turkey sandwiches. It must be true about there being an ingredient in turkey that makes you tired - tryptophan, I think it is. We were falling asleep by 8, went to bed to watch the end of a show and lights out at 9. I slept the clock around and didn't get up until 9 this morning. Must have needed it; I could have had a nap by mid-afternoon too.

Today I took some pictures of our trip over to Mom's and spent an hour with her before going to the mall for some shopping and a haircut. As I was leaving Mom's I noticed a gathering of hawks circling above a point of higher ground - 12 of them. It reminded me of one of my earliest posts about lucking out and observing a huge migration last year at this time. These last couple of hours have been rare time at home simply 'doing' - cleaning up after myself and getting dinner on. While putting the casserole together I've listened to Jesse Cook's 'Vertigo' CD - he's Canadian, an accomplished guitarist whose band puts a 'world' spin on flamenco based music. It's all instrumental except the final track (which is probably the most familiar to most) 'Fragile' where the vocal is done by Holly Cole. Now I have Danny Gatton's most famous release on - '81 Elmira St.' - he was one of America's strongest guitar stylists until his death a number of years ago. I met him when he appeared at Toronto's Horseshoe Tavern back in '92 and I used to correspond with and occasionally talk to his mother Norma who lives just outside Atlanta. Danny grew up there but made his name on the Washington, D.C. bar scene. He enjoyed a strong 'underground' following of people who came to know and love his playing abilities but widespread fame and financial success eluded him.

The #1 topic of conversation these days is the weather - since a very hot and muggy holiday weekend it has gotten cool and damp. From 90F on Sunday and Monday to a high in the mid 50's today with a probability of frost tonight. Incredible.

I bought a bulletin board today for over the computer desk. There'll be some informational sorts of stuff posted there - schedules, resources and such, but primarily it'll be for pictures so if you still want to be included in my 'circle of care' and haven't sent a photo as yet...... thanks to those of you who have already.

Wizard!! Shazaam!!

For the moment I have the computer working !!!! (*&^%$#@!) Perhaps between what my friend tried last week and what I've just done it may be fixed. Who knows?? I'll start saving my pennies anyway.

This is a quickie post again as I'm headed out the door; I'm off to chow down on left-over turkey with Lynda. After dinner we're keeping that date for the show - Across the Universe. I'll give you the lowdown on the movie later.

Earlier on today I was out running about - I dropped off that most recent resume, browsed around in Goodwill and found an unusual picture (which suits me, ha, ha), and while in the grocery store had a call from my boss asking me to work the dayshift tomorrow. Everybody say 'Yeah!'! T.G. for cell phones.

I'd best get dessert ready and get out of here - I'm already starving. Later.

All Is Well.....

....except this computer. This is sort of a typing time test to see how much I can do before it crashes. Hmmm......

The weekend was a good one with time spent with L'il 'O', lots of good food, a couple of conversations with Sarah in Vancouver and a couple of good talks with Lynda. More will be revealed as time goes on; apparently.

I've just been catching up on a couple of blogmates sites and there are lots of goodies out there. Thanks Robin, and Bibliomom, for sharing regarding your journals - excellent stuff.

Although this is a very strong area for recovery there have been a couple of individual cases lately that make me appreciate where I'm at in this journey, how far I've come. Early on I was in the 'pity-pot' wondering 'why me?; why did I have to be an alcoholic? why couldn't I have a drink without losing it? how would I make through life without a drink in hand? why can't I just be normal? Now, in light of friends relapsing, I'm wondering why I was chosen to recover. How and why did the obsession to drink leave me? I don't feel I'm special or particularly deserving of this new life but I have it to live anyway. Of three people who contacted me today, one has just signed himself into another rehab, one emailed to say he's been using but intends to get it together and come back, the other came to our home group tonight after using all summer and hitting a new bottom. He's looking to get some sanity, health and normalcy back in his life. Why me and not them? There are no good reasons except timing and willingness, I suppose. I have something to give to them if they show up wanting it.

Sobriety
Loses
It's
Priority,
spells SLIP.

Upcoming Plans.....

....would include lots and lots of rest. I got up today feeling like I might be getting a cold; not a good thing.

I think today when I get up we're having Thankgiving dinner. Turkey, stuffing, potatoes, yams ... all that good stuff.

Monday, Lynda and I will work away at that weekend job we do. Then I have my home group meeting that night.

I'm hoping to hear Tuesday from the company I applied to last week regarding an interview. There is another ad I want to reply to for a job I would rather have - that application has to be in by Wednesday; I want to have mine there first thing Tuesday a.m.

As always, with this being my off week, I'm available for relief shifts. The atmosphere has been so much better here since the summer that I'd be glad to have a call-in.

I've had no word about a new computer; the guy who is doing it is worth a story himself one day but right now I'd just like him to get on with building it. My current set-up is barely functional and I haven't tried blogging on it. Some applications work - like 'gmail', and I'm able to do banking. Others don't - like 'hotmail'. Ah well, something to play with now that I'll have some free time.

If I'm not around, you know why. I'll be back.

L'il 'O'

Owen's Dad brought him out for a visit and arrived early Friday, beating the holiday weekend traffic. As I don't have to be at work until a bit later on Fridays I managed to get a few hours with him that evening and a very brief half hour Saturday before coming in once again. He's a little over 3 1/2 and has become quite the little character - I love the ways in which his complexities of expression are coming forth.

Friday evening we had a blast running around in the yard, chasing one another and jumping around. Digging in the dirt and blowing the fuzzy seeds from dandelions. Saturday he asked when and where I sleep so I told him one of those little white lies. 'So you don't have to try to be quiet while I sleep I go to another house, another bed and sleep there before I come to see you.' "Thank you, Pops." 'You're welcome, O.'

Until Lynda and I have a better read on whether this split is temporary or not we don't see any point in upsetting his take on the world.

On my way out the door tonight Lynda invited me to swing by the house in the morning to spend some time with him once he gets up and before I crash. I might have to tickle him awake if he takes too, too long......like more than 5 minutes.

Interesting Visit

Thursday before coming to work I dropped by my former sister and brother-in-laws house in order to finally do some fact checking for a story I'd written almost a year ago. All summer I had intended to visit my ex - Jan - but had held off as I'd never met her husband and she would freak out and make a big fuss. Her sister Lynn and hubby Terry were happy to see me and we caught up on the news of the last few years. We've run into one another occassionally around town but hadn't had a sit-down talk in a long time.

Eventually Lynn asked what had prompted the visit so I told her about the story I'd written (for this blog and Kel's contest at thexfacta) about their parents - Ernie and Marian. I handed her a print-out of it and let her read it through without interruption. When she was done she said that, in essence, I had it pretty straight except for a couple of details but that it was a highly idealized and romanticized version of the story. "What on earth possessed you to write about them after all these years? They were just ordinary folk who lived regular lives!"

Ernie, Marian, Jan and I spent a few years living under the same roof and in bits and pieces I got snippets of their story - a little here on one occasion; a tad there on another. Overall, the two of them had quite an impression on me and for very different reasons - perhaps because they were so unalike in temperaments and outlook. I didn't feel they were ordinary or regular. They gained a special place in my heart and I valued their support and friendship. Still miss 'em.

Crazy Daze

I guess I'd managed to thoroughly exhaust myself cuz I went bed as soon as I arrived home yesterday morning and slept for 10 1/2 hours. Awesome!! Except I came awake with a start realizing I had to be back here at work in a little over an hours time. Rush, rush, aahhh.... made it!

It took quite a while to get fully with it; probably until we returned from our outside meeting. I had a good laugh while fielding a call from a very drunken woman who was asking for treatment information. After providing that to her we continued talking and then the conversation quickly got twisted when she started trying to pick me up over the phone. No, I'm not really interested in your age, your figure or your sex life - thanks anyway. We laughed and wished each other well.

Thankfully tonight has been a quiet one and I was able to get the work out of the way quickly. Did a check in call with Sarah about Zeph and he's doing great - closing in on the 12 pound mark. Daniel got word he'd been hired for a new job he applied for.

I was scanning back through the blog and noticed how sparse the pictures are. All that does is make me anxious to get the new computer and have it up and running. It'd sure make things a lot easier. One thing about the days getting shorter is that I'm taking even fewer pictures that I was before - I haven't seen much daylight lately. The fall colour change is awful this year with the leaves yellowing, turning brown and simply falling. Any shows of brilliant reds or oranges are few and far between. Temperatures have been mild and we're to get a warm weekend (for this time of year getting into the high 70's) so the colour situation might be better once we get frost - if there are any leaves left by then.

This weekend is Canadian Thanksgiving - a month ahead of our American neighbours - so it's time to reflect on all we have to be grateful for once again. That list will be 'bountiful'; it wouldn't take long to make it a long one for me. I hope yours is too.

Speaking Of Lynda...

.....we're getting on terrifically well, all things considered. Bloody amazing. I dropped by the house when I got off work yesterday morning to pay her some money I owed her and had a quick visit while she got ready for work. Flying half naked about the house, finding clothes, putting on makeup, making a lunch. Gotta love those house coats that won't stay closed - wonder if that was by accident or design?? Same result - got my attention.

Since then we were on the phone for almost an hour before I came to work; then again tonight for close to an hour after I'd sent all the guys to their rooms. Filling each other in on news, kibitzing around and playing games, having fun.

During our trip west I was happy for her and proud of her; other than a couple of drinks on the flights she had wine with one meal while we were there. Sarah and Daniel's home is a non-drinking one and although they'd given her the go ahead she didn't take them up on it. Atta girl.

One of her friends from work has recommended a movie - Across The Universe - so we're planning to see it. Woo-Hoo -- a date!!

Lynda had 100 pictures printed and is putting together an album for Sarah & Daniel and a smaller one for his parents. She also saved all her photos to disc for me as we used her camera mainly.

What I think we're both finding is that we don't have or need to be together; we want and like to be. This horse race is too close to call yet.

The Joy Of Cooking

It's three months already since I moved and during all that hot weather I've cooked very few meals. (No A/C) Mostly I've eaten with Lynda at the house and what I have cooked has been really simple fare. Today I slept poorly, was up early and the temperature was down so I pulled some meat from the freezer and got busy.

It had been long enough that I'd almost forgotten how much I enjoy the whole process of cooking. Getting all the ingredients, utensils and pans out. Peeling and cutting garlic and onion, searing the meat and browning the onions, cooling the pan with a splash of sherry and a healthy dollop of red wine (evaporating the alcohol off and getting a head full of vapours), whisking the sauce together, adding the seasonings and throwing it all together to simmer. As it cooked I was moving around the house, in and out of doors, and noticing the aromas wafting about and filling the place. By the time it was done I was starving and it was nice to sit down to something that had taken some time and effort. The best part is there are leftovers for tomorrow and they are usually even better. Oh, and I dropped off a plate for Lynda's dinner tomorrow. Fair is fair and all that stuff.

Quick Note

Generally it has been a busy night but specifically I've been engaged in that 'most hated of pastimes' - writing a cover letter and editting my CV. A friend notified me of a position that has become vacant which might prove interesting. I absolutely loathe the self promotion and tailoring of information that goes into this process. Pressing on......

Little Joy in Mudville...

....where the heck did that come from? 'Casey at Bat'??....

Anyway, I wasn't going to post tonight for a few reasons but as the hours pass I'm getting some perspective on things. The world isn't going to come crashing down anytime tonight afterall.

My friend arrived to work on the computer and after a couple of hours made his diagnosis; toasted. I was devastated. Although it has a back up hard drive I've made infrequent use of it and will likely suffer the consequences. My friend says he can build a new one for a fraction of the cost I paid for the present one so I'm going to juggle some finances to try and make that happen. As a stopgap measure I picked up a tower from my sister and hope to get it up and running before I come to work later on tonight.

As this friend was coming over in the early afternoon I wasn't able to help Lynda with the job we do each weekend. Turned out to be a bad day not to be there; we can usually get through it together in about 2 hours. Today she spent almost 5 hours doing it herself. Not good. She did however enjoy a nice dinner with #2 son on his birthday.

Another friend, a 'program' one, had pulled a disappearing act lately and emailed tonight to say he'd been relapsing off-and-on over the last couple of weeks but is getting back on track. I hope he shows up tonight. Upsetting for me; downright scary for him. It's an insidious, patient disease.

I'd disclosed in a post some months ago that I have a seizure disorder and thought 'if you're just tuning in' I'd recover some of that ground. Through the night last night I had a brief one and as soon as I arrived for work tonight I had another. The nature of my type of seizure isn't serious; it's characterized by an 'aura' - a hallucination of sensation - in my case, the odour of a particular spice. That is followed by a 'brainstorm' of rapid, random memory snippets and then works into some physiological after effects which progress downward from my head and through my body. The amount of time in each segment, and overall, varies quite a lot with the overall effects lasting between 1 and 5 minutes. The lasting effect is one of tiredness and a general disinterest in having to do much of anything. These last few months have been good - pretty much 'aura' free. I'm attributing these recent ones to upsetting daily routines - meal times & sleep schedule, lack of sleep and the inherent stress of travelling across time zones as well as shift work. Quite a mix. I'm confident that once life settles again, so will the seizures. Not to worry. (Thanks K)