Eventful Day, Productive Night

Today actually got off to a quiet start. I managed to sleep in and then took my time getting myself together; goofing off, playing with the pets and wandering the yard checking out the gardens, drinking coffee and smoking. There were a couple of things to accomplish; I got the truck rental arranged for the move and the call put out to start the hydro account. Then it just a matter of getting cleaned up in time to meet JPW for dinner. I was about to dash off to a local mall but decided to first give him a call using our landline phone and his line was busy. Then my cell rang in my pocket and lo and behold it was him - freaky timing.

He beat me to the restaurant by a minute or two but we greeted each other with big hugs in the foyer. The last chance we'd had to talk at length was before Christmas although we've attended a couple of the same functions since then. He checks in here regularily so we talked about that a bit and I expanded on a couple of things regarding the homefront. I got to catch up on all the goings-on in his life and work. JPW is waiting on word at his work that may have a direct trickle down effect for me. We shall see. Our visit was all too brief but gawd it was good to see him again - the man makes me laugh.

From there I made quick detour back home to let Freedom out for a few minutes before coming to work but it turned out I didn't need to - Lynda had returned home from her dinner out with her workmates. We enjoyed a quicky visit while touring the yard. I tried convincing her that she should come meet me at work after I send the guys off to their beds but she wasn't into spending the night under the same roof as 30 male alkies and addicts. Geez, can't figure that one.

Funny - about a month ago I'd borrowed a copy of the Travelling Wilbury's first release from the library so I could copy it and have a digital recording of it. Last week I checked out Glen's blog only to find out they'd put out a compilation set which includes both Vol 1 and 3 (there was no Vol 2 - ever) and a DVD with the accompanying video releases of some of their songs. On the way to work I slipped into a local music and book store to get my copy - Sarah and Daniel had sent me a gift card for Father's Day. It was well used. There are 2 bonus tracks for each Vol 1 & 3 which I was sorely tempted to go straight to hear; I resisted. I've just heard the first two (Vol 1) - 'Maxine' and 'Like a Ship' - and they fit right in with the rest of the material + add another dimension. Great! I've skipped to Vol 3 to hear 'Nobody's Child' and 'Runaway' - 'Nobody's Child' features Dylan and Harrison trading verses and doing unison harmonies sounding like it could have been a Woody Guthrie composition, but it isn't. 'Runaway' is a cover of Del Shannon's early 60's classic - well done but unremarkable.

Tonight has been a quiet one work wise with a few restless souls up for smokes and drinks. I've organized a bunch of my various papers and written a slew of emails, so much writing that my hands are starting to swell and stiffen. Time to lay off, enjoy the tunes and wrap up my work for the night

Semantics

Every so often through this period of recovery people have said to me: 'God would never put more on your plate than He knew you could handle.' More often than not I'd think to myself this person is seriously deluded even though they were being supportive and encouraging. That if...they were living my life...with these thoughts...these emotions...they would come to see how false that statement was as I was, quite frankly, overwhelmed.

Contained in an email I received today was an equivalent message - "The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you." Or, to paraphrase in the affirmative - "The Grace of God will protect you wherever the Will of God leads you."

That was the spin I needed to see today on the original sentiment. Some times little things mean a lot. Small shifts in perspective over time change your course.

Peace Of Mind

This is a little odd, in that I haven't felt this way for a long time, but I feel calm. There's a nice word for you - 'calm'.

I haven't mentioned Lynda / Wonder Woman much lately but things continue to progress and I guess that's were the feeling comes from. I can be satisfied that I've put in my best efforts to turn things around. We seem finally to be getting somewhere; in the course of a couple of conversations today - one before I came to work; the other before Lynda went to bed - she's agreeable to looking at any and all possible solutions to reconciliation. Hallelujah! That range of solutions could include just about anything and remain to be discussed.

There's that gawdawful trite saying about how if you truly love something, set it free and if it's meant to be, it'll come back to you. Sorry to say but I've subscribed to that but continued to appeal to reason, to feeling, to openness, to what is right for us as a couple. Lynda can't be told much and would meet coercion with defiance so I've tried simply to be honest, lay ego aside and keep a common future as a goal.

Whether the chances of that happening are good or not I have no idea but I refuse to walk away without giving this my best shot. That I couldn't live with; it's just too damned important.

All our immediate plans stand as is. I go to sign off on my deal this coming Tuesday and get possession and the keys next Friday; the move is planned for Sunday the 8th.

I've thought, talked, listened and prayed long and hard to get to this point; a degree of serenity. The future is unwritten but it's nice not to be facing it full of fear. Things are slowly changing and swinging more into alignment with my hopes, dreams and wishes. For that I'm truly grateful.

BJ & I

Thanks BJ, for permission to use this. The thing I like most about this one is how you show off the family trait of talking with your hands. It's all in the gestures, n'est pas?? You come by it honestly.

This, That & the Other

Tuesday night was a rare night off here and it wasn't because work was busy. I got caught up on a bunch of emails that needed to be done. They were just aflyin', here, there and everywhere. To management here about issues and concerns, my home group members collectively and individually, Lynda, friends. My cousin BJ is back from a weeks holiday so we got caught up on each others news. When I put out that photo request she came up with one of us together at the last big family 'do' - our aunt and uncle's 50th anniversary. Nice shot! I'll share it if I get her permission.

JPW and I finalized plans to have dinner Friday night before I come to work. We have a good franchised restaurant chain here called Swiss Chalet that turns out great roasted rotisserie chicken so that's where we're headed. He and I haven't seen each other for months so it'll be a good time.

I don't know if Blogger is messing up or if I've done something but...those last 2 photo posts were strange. After I hit 'publish' the pictures didn't appear in the pane; just lines of text which I imagine describe the pictures re: size, location, placement, etc. That's why my lines of text appeared at the end of the posts; ordinarily I'd put whatever description between the shots. Actually, the text in this post doesn't look like it normally does. Go figure.

Tonight I had my first ever Gmail chat; this with friend Sue in S.West U.S.ofA. and we were on for almost an hour. She offered up a ton of information, advise and encouragement regarding smoking cessation. Sue is a bit of a character who has a good sense of humour to boot.

It brought to mind a period when daughter Sarah suddenly up and took off to South Korea for almost a year to teach English at a private school in Seoul. I think she was just 21 or 22 at the time and she freaked me out by doing that but that's her nature - adventurous. We used msn messenger quite a lot through those months and it was great to have real-time 'conversations' at such a distance. Sometimes we'd use it to set up times for phone calls - 'Okay, I'm just in the door. Call now!'

Young 'Arlo' pulled another no-show yesterday which didn't impress me much after I'd gotten up early to take him out. I don't know when I might see him again as he's away next week.

Musically I've been bouncing around a lot lately. When I'm not cycling through Jeff Beck CD's, Prince's 'Musicology' has been in the car deck a lot. It kicks. He's a genius. In quieter moments I've put on a classic that I pulled out from a box I'd packed - actually 2 classics - the original 'Will the Circle Be Unbroken' compilation and also the N.G.D.B. 2nd generation release which is likely about 20 years old; hmmm..could be 30. Bluegrass and country legends at their finest - lots of great pickin' & grinnin'. Every morning / night when I go to bed it's still David Gilmour's 'On An Island' that I go to sleep to.

The speaker at last nights meeting is a guy I've known slightly for a few years but who I'd never heard speak before. He was describing things that've happened in his spiritual life in his last couple of years sobriety that have been occurring with me recently. I made a point of talking with him afterward and we decided adversity not only tests faith, it's a faith builder. He's recommended yet another book that sounds like a must read.

I'll recommend a movie here with a caveat; don't believe everything that's presented but do present an open mind. It's about metaphysics and is titled 'What The #Bleep# Do We Know??'. It examines belief systems through a series of vignettes around a character played by Marlee Matlin interspersed with explanatory segments. Like I said it isn't all to be accepted as fact but most of it will get you thinking. I haven't seen it for a while and recall there were a couple of parts that didn't necessarily click with me but overall it was worth seeing.

FotoFix2

A) What the heck is that?
B) Pretty blue flowers
C) Beautiful yellow flowers

FotoFix1

Here we have Owen on a tear -- zooming past.

Benji on sax, Owen on drums.

A Crayola moment - 'Lines?; what lines?'

Another Busy Day Ahead

Hurry up and rest because....

When I get up today I'm to spend another couple of hours with young 'Arlo'. This kid concerns me in that he talks a good line but has a hard time following through with his intentions to change. All he needs is to be presented with a 'using' situation and his resolve melts....so easily lead. There seems to be a lack of care, in some respects, on the homefront regarding his associations and whereabouts. Please keep the harder stuff beyond his grasp; he is defenseless. Even with some tools at his disposal he couldn't meet the challenges.

Once we wrap up I'll head for home and a quick change of clothes, a bite to eat and then I'm off to a friend's 30 year medallion presentation meeting. It's supposed to last an hour but will likely stretch to at least 90 minutes. Today is forecasted to be the hottest day so far this year with high humidity; not a good thing in a crowded church basement that doesn't have A/C. With luck I'll make it here to work in time to catch the last part of the in-house alumni meeting and maybe take part. Then I get to work for 9 hours....

As I was nearing the end of my shift last night it occured to me that by the time I got home to bed I'd have been up for 22 hours. When I was young (and needed lots of rest) I used to think that was some sort of feat. Now that I'm two to three times that age I don't even blink at it; it's just part and parcel of what needs doing. Go figure. Is that sanity, insanity or senility at work? Mmmm..maybe you'd better not answer that one.

Relatively Rare Sightings 1, 2 & 3

1 - The other morning I'd been wakened by a very distinct, musical birdsong but for the life of me I couldn't recall what sort of bird might be responsible. On rising, I could still hear it in the area and was unable to spot it. Later on through the day I did happen to spot it flying by and realized what I'd heard. There was no mistaking that vivid flash of orange and black; it was a Baltimore Oriole. We don't get many around here but I wish we did. I could listen to them all day long.

2 - Another one that must be settling into it's summer range and covering a large territory is the Flicker. They're few and far between as well; a fairly large member of the woodpecker family. It's a beautifully marked bird and a sight to see flying - a speckled breast and brilliant gold beneath it's wings and tail.

3 - Fireflies - It's only in the last few years that I've noticed any in this area and they're still rare. I was gazing up into the night sky last week and thought I was seeing a flashing satellite that was wobbling out of orbit. There was no rhyme or reason to it's path. Then my distance vision kicked in and I realized it was a firefly at treetop height - 'a duh! moment'.
The one time I've seen great numbers of them was a race weekend in Michigan when we visited a friend whose home was next to a large meadow. After it had gotten full dark this mass of wee lights rose from the field; I'd never seen anything like it and had to go wander about in the midst of them. By this point in the evening we were incredibly drunk and I remember nothing else of that visit except that 15 or 20 minute span checking out the fireflies. A 'Disney' moment of clarity in the midst of an ocean of beer and bourbon.

Connecting The Dots....

You're driving down a highway and at 1/4 mile intervals there are billboards that each have a single word on them. Here's what my signs are saying:

HEY!!.....

Stupid,.....

Smoking.....

Will......

Kill.....

Your......

Sorry.....

Ass.....

DEAD!!!!!

PERIOD.

I'm a little slow sometimes but what I thought was a long lasting chest cold / infection is likely a shift into second stage COPD. A couple of years ago, maybe a few, after a battery of pneumo tests I was diagnosed with first stage / onset COPD.

Lately I've been thinking about Dad and the sort of death he suffered; and that will be my fate as well if I don't smarten the hell up. He had one 'small' heart attack and survived; lost a lung to cancer and survived 12 years; was treated for prostrate cancer and survived; suffered through a course of treatment for throat cancer and survived. Over the years his remaining lung became less and less effective at what it was supposed to do - sustain life - and he finally died one night at home in his bed of COPD.

I hear you. Any time now...soon...soon....an end to death by installments.

Very Nice Weather Makes For....

.....feeling good. We've been riding a high pressure system for the last few days and the skies have been mostly clear with baking sun and low humidity. This is living! It's what I wait all winter for. They're calling for things to change soon; there's another system bearing down on us from the west, straight out of the Rockies and across the great plains bringing higher temps, sweltering humidity and the likelihood of major storms.

These last few days have been active ones. There are times when I'm able to drive myself to accomplish the things I need to. Other times I feel overwhelmed by details, get bogged down in confusion and frustration, dither and get nothing done by the hour. Can't even account for how the time passes.

My moods have been swinging pretty wildly - generally I feel good and positive but, for instance this afternoon, I sailed into a huge downward spiral. Lynda was working away in one area of the building, me in another; me, my thoughts and I went on a mental toot. It feels just like previous periods of mourning I've been though only this time it's for a relationship not someone's demise. Thankfully, when she realized what was going on she was good enough to help talk it out and when the work was over we distracted ourselves for a couple of hours. We didn't get done all the things we'd wanted to before I came in to work but hey - doesn't hurt to be flexible.

Saturday we spent with L'il O and his parents out in the suburban wasteland west of Toronto. It's a straight run across the busiest stretch of highway in North America; about an hours drive in good traffic. Owen is a blast; he's so busy flitting around from home to his friend's places and visiting with adult neighbours that you really have to keep an eye on him. He stops by for hugs, a bite to eat or a drink of juice and then he's off again. I was pleased that he was really taken by a small gift I'd picked up for him. It's an electronic saxophone and each key you push cuts to another loop; another sax riff. He'd push one, one of his legs would start to vibrate 'Elvis' style and then he'd break into a quick but very wild dance. Lots of laughs.

One thing that kills me is the ways in which he is taking to language, his ways of understanding and relating to his world. One of his neighbours has a pet dog, Benji and because Owen knew this dog first he simply calls him Benji. He also has a friend whose name is Benji but because he met him afterward, when he speaks of him, he refers to him as 'Benji the Boy'. Never just Benji as that would mean he was speaking of the dog. He slays me. There might just be a few pictures to come from that outing.

This week when I get up for the day I'll be trying to get the last of the packing done, except for the 'everyday use' things. Lynda and I will also have to sort out the kitchen together. I wasn't going to arrange for a truck as friends have offered the use of their pick-ups and vans but so much as possible I'd like to pack up and go in one trip. Must do that later today. Once the move is done my job hunt will get cranked back into high gear again. I've continued to check ads and internet sites periodically but I need to edit my resume again to fully update it in case I see something to apply for. Money will do the talking; I'll be walking.

I received a quote on Friday as to what to expect to pay for the closing costs on the townhouse; it damned near put me to the floor. Many of the lawyers costs must be fixed and don't relate to the price paid for a property - high or low. As I'm paying a low price I'd figured the closing costs would be proportional - wrong! Hurt me!!

Last week I hit a couple of meetings: Thursday night I went to a closed discussion group that was started recently by a couple of guys I know. One of them preceded me into the 'rooms' by a few months and has been continuously sober since; (not me, I lost track of my sobriety dates for awhile until I came here for treatment) the other guy went through this house about a year ago and has done well by committing himself to his recovery. The meeting is a 'Big Book' study group and I enjoyed the format and discussion - it happened to be a particularly important chapter called 'Into Action' that details the heart of this program. Friday I checked in with friend Terry and we decided to come up here for the in-house meeting that evening. The meeting itself was good and we hung around for about an hour talking with clients and friends.

I haven't taken time at the computer lately except for very quick checks on friend's blogs so I'll have to do some reading up on what's new out there in the blogosphere - see how everyone is doing. Later.

Contrast

Such a difference a few months and a couple of seasons make. The top image was taken back in the middle of January; this past winter had the lightest snowfall I can remember. That's Lynda taking Freedom for a tour of the back 40 and having her stand for a treat.

The bottom shot is Freedom meandering back to the house after having been called inside. I suppose you'd call that 'resistant obedience' - I don't want to come in but I will if you insist on it.

Hard to believe both shots are taken from the same vantage point - the bottom one is just zoomed in a little. Is it any wonder that I much prefer summer?

Break Time

Love yourself

If we were to make only one change to transform the quality of our lives, we might try sending a little love our own way.

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."
-- Buddha
Excerpted from today's Meditation of the Day

It's mid-afternoon, sunny and warm, and I've been doing a bunch of yard work. I can feel a touch of a burn on my forearms and my noggin. Luckily it isn't so hot as it was a couple of days ago. 'Arlo' and I were at a local gallery the other afternoon when a fierce storm blew through bringing cooler temps. Straight from the high 80's to the mid 70's in an hours time. Nights are comfortable for sleeping; mid 60's.

Life lately has been all details, details.....phone calls and running round town. It's time to sit a bit, cool off and share a couple of new pics. The irises are done for the year but these lilies are in their prime. The weather today has been a nice mix of sun and cloud with one very brief sunshower. Our grapevines are positively luxuriant in all their shades of green - bursting with life. It's official; we're past the solstice and officially into my absolute favourite season. Summertime, summertime, sum, sum, summertime!!!! Bring it on!!

Break time is over. Be kind to yourself & take extra good care of you. (thx, BJ - miss ya)

Checking In

This week, so far, has been about accomplishing a multitude of tasks, catching up on living, touching base on some important relationships and getting some much needed rest.

Lynda is on afternoon shift this week so we've worked together in the mornings clearing the way for our transition. While she's at work I play catch up on all my 'stuff'; make my calls and do my running around. When she arrives home in the late evening we get our updates about the other's day, watch the news and Letterman, and simply talk.

Last night we'd been talking about 'Late, Late Night' host Craig Ferguson's disclosure , some time ago, that he's a recovering alcoholic (that tidbit during a monologue taking the 'entertainment' media to task for hounding 'at-risk' celebrities and ascerbating their apparent problems). There are no coincidences - one of his guests on the show last night brought up that past monologue and they discussed both topics further. The original talk can be dug up on YouTube and runs about 8 minutes. Powerful stuff and kudos to Mr. Ferguson for 'proper' responsible use of the medium.

Yesterday we had Mom out for a few hours getting her hair done and doing some shopping. I hadn't seen her during that stretch of work I did, so about 10 days. I needed my Mom 'fix'. She's a good old soul.

It wasn't planned this way but Lynda and I got into 'that talk' today just before she left for work and as a result she was a half hour late getting there - something that never happens. The talk was wide ranging and both good and bad; affirming feelings and laying out some of the past hurts. It's as I thought; she still loves me but didn't want to set me up with false hope for the future and more hurt. As I see it we can only continue to work toward a future together if we do it without expectation. I know that seems contrary and needs expansion but....that's the way it is right now. Perhaps an unattainable goal but a goal nonetheless. (But the most important words in that whole paragraph of course are, 'she still loves me'.)

I've touched base today with my realtor and mortgage broker just to confirm that all the bases are covered and things are a 'go'. They are. Everything is in the hands of the realty lawyer now for him to do his work on and it looks like everything will continue on smoothly.

My soon-to-be-neighbour, Terry, was supposed to take me out for dinner prior to our meeting on Monday night but that didn't happen as he managed to injure himself while dirt biking. It sounded reasonably minor the other day but he has pulled all the muscles up the back of his leg from his butt to his heel. Not good; he's taking things very easy. These young guys; 37 going on 18!! (It's all about me - he better have healed before moving day or else)

Must go - the weather outside is too good to waste being inside.

Late Spring Colours

A gardener, I am not. I recognize roses, lilies and irises when I see them and a few more sorts of flowering plants. But I do appreciate the shapes, colours and aromas of all those I behold. Stash them away in memory and take photos of them just in case I should forget their beauty. These are a few I've snapped in the last couple of days about the house and thought I'd share. Enjoy.

Winding Down Now

Tonight is the last of a 9 night stretch of work so I'm up to about 100 hours 'on the job'; that's enough - perhaps a little more than enough. It's been a good week in that I've been able to help a number of our clients move in positive directions, toward health and recovery. A nudge here, a suggestion there, different perspective on an idea or issue. Some good, long late night talks.

Today was the first day I didn't have to be up early and 'be' somewhere, 'doing' something. I invested the day in rest and got 8 & 1/2 hours of glorious sleep - all week I've got along on 4 or 5. I'm not bitching, just saying. I wish I could do the same Sunday but I have to be up and attend a committee meeting in the early afternoon - c'est la vie.

Next week is pretty free in that I have only a few concrete things I must do in certain blocks of time but I have lists of other things that need to be accomplished at some point through the week, mainly in regard to the move. If I'm able to get those things covered I might be able to come in for a volunteer day shift for a change; I haven't done one of those in a couple of months.

I was on the phone earlier to my son Russ in Calgary and daughter Sarah in Vancouver. The chat with Sarah was very brief; she was just on her way out the door so I'll catch up with her and all her news tomorrow night. Russ informed me that he'd just booked his flight for his visit here in August and this time he's bringing his girlfriend. It'll be my first opportunity to meet her. They'll have a full 2 weeks to visit with me and a number of other family and friends. By the time they leave town Sarah will have had her baby and I'm intending to head to Vancouver to see she, Daniel and their baby. What a blast that will be!! Plus, I haven't had an actual holiday in 4 or 5 years ....... hmmm ..... I think I'm due. It'll be nice to see Vancouver again; beautiful city.

Incredibly, things on the homefront continue to go surprisingly well. Now with legalities out of the way, the townhouse bought, a move date in sight .... acceptance(?) .... tensions are down, talking is easier and there is still some affection. Call me crazy but there may still be some little hope. Who knows what the future may hold? Certainly not me. Anything is possible; anything!

Townhouse

Yes, a few details.

It too is in Oshawa, about a 15 minute drive from the house. Just far enough removed from there that I don't need to head that way unless it's necessary. It isn't in the nicest part of town but the area is in a re-building stage. It's adjacent to the main GM car plant; we also have a truck plant in town, not too far away.

The layout of the building is kind of odd with the units piggy-backing each other. One of the reasons I picked this one is it's southern exposure. (That's also why I spent a couple of thousand more for it than it's worth.) My neighbour above and behind me faces north. There's a common vestibule that serves 4 units; by chance, a friend, Terry, lives across the hallway and up half a dozen stairs. He's a former client who has become a friend over the last 6 months and I think it'll be good for both of us to be near at hand.

Mine is a 2 bedroom unit and I'm thinking about setting up an office in the second bedroom. It would also be a tax write-off besides being a work space. The master bedroom is a good size; big enough for me and my furniture with lots of closet space. I like the layout of the kitchen and am looking forward to getting into some cooking. Lord knows I love to eat. I can see furniture placement being a problem in the living room as it's long and narrow- probably 9' X 24'. TV and stereo set-up, bookcases, computer, seating, lights.....not too sure how that'll work out. The basement has a rough finish - a small workroom, another small sitting room and utility space along with clothes washer and dryer. I'd likely use that sitting room for a studio space once I get organized.

I'll be keeping a close eye on finances for the first few months to see how things work out so there won't be any big ticket 'house warming' items on the horizon. My part-time work should cover a couple of utility bills and some entertainment. Anything that crops up on the 'needed' list will be found at the bargain stores or auction halls. (I love auctions - a little too much maybe.) The first thing I need to buy is a bed for when Russ comes to visit in August; can't have him spending 2 weeks on the couch.

About half the packing is done now which is pretty good considering how little spare time I've had. My room, the computer room and most of the loose stuff in the garage is done. Now it's just tools and the like, linens and kitchen stuff to go. A few of my friends have offered help with the actual move - now it's about getting them all at the same place, at the same time; and renting a truck. I'm thinking it'd be a good idea to go in the day after I get the keys and put up a bunch of shelving to slot all the boxes in as soon as we walk in the door with them. Then simply go through them one at a time to unpack everything. At least that way they wouldn't be strewn about the place cluttering everything up.

Three weeks to go!!!

Re: 'That' Request

I'm happy to have received a couple of responses already. Excellent! Like I said I won't share what is submitted but this is funny and so I won't feel bad about posting this. Check it out.

At the end of the email message I specifically mentioned to JPW that I didn't want to see any naked pictures. I know him and definitely don't want to go there. Here is his response:

'I can send over a photo but I'll have to copy and paste some clothes on it so that it's "wall proof"!'

Thanks J, I appreciate that! With friends like that who needs.........oh, nevermind.

Past, Present, Future

Earlier tonight I was wandering back through the archives here; that was a bit of a trip. I've gotten completely away from whatever the original intent might have been. (and I think I said something to that effect before) Whatever....it's been of value as a means of expression and an outlet for the overload of thoughts, emotions and states of mind I've been through.

Looking back I didn't find anything I regretted posting although, in regard to Lynda, there were a couple that were borderline. I did at one point edit my profile blurb and removed the reference to her that was once there - to what effect I wonder?? Was that supposed to excise her out of existence - dunno. Didn't work, that's for sure.

Reading the back pages has been a reminder of things I've intended to do - like getting in touch with wife #2, Jan, to fact check before expanding on that story I submitted for Kel's contest way back. Still can't believe you sent that book all the way from Oz (must get that out for a re-read).

JPW and I still haven't got together for so much as coffee, nevermind sitting down to a meal - maybe at the new place. I'll be at my home group Monday night (guests are welcome) and your packet of discs is still here at the 'house'. Call me.

It's great that some of you post comments; there are some (like my cuz BJ) who never comment to the blog but email often. Some of those direct messages are the best - BJ, Robin, JPW, Susan, Michelle, Suzie - both from a support / encouragement / inspiration standpoint and straight informational stuff. Some of you must be very fast typists because I know it eats a lot of time replying to your lengthy messages.

The site meter gives me some information about who visits; it also raises a couple of questions in that I know from 'comments left' that specific people check in, but don't appear where you're supposed to be in 'details' or the map. Remote server?? Something to do with RSS feeds?? Must do some research. Michelle?? You know about this stuff.

Things will settle soon and I'll be able to get back to those things I like to write about and less about 'self'. Right now, I gotta go. Later.

Dumbstruck

There's going to be a little talk about God here so if you aren't comfortable with that....page away.....

Okay, at the risk of being thought a touch insane, there was an event which happened Wednesday afternoon that removes all doubt from my mind that the God of my understanding is working in my life. I don't usually make sweeping declarative statements like that but there you have it. Some incidents leave you wondering whether it may be random occurrence or simple co-incidence but the ties are so close you have a pretty good idea whose work is at hand. The God of my understanding is usually a low-key subtle player who nudges and suggests, then lets me make my own conclusions. Not today. This was more a 'shaken by the scruff of the neck', 'slapped upside the head', 'no holds barred' version.

It lasted about 20 seconds; it was significant to only two people; we both saw it unfold and only we saw it happen; we looked at each other and both knew it for what it was. We were left profoundly shaken. And rightly so; it's not every day you hear God speak so clearly.

And yes, I'm mentally and emotionally fine - thanks for asking. Back to your regularly scheduled posts soon.

It's That Time of the Year

Peace.

Some Of The Rest

Monday's meeting went off well and I was really happy for Terry that it did. All but one of the scheduled participants were able to attend and take part. Terry has made quite an impression on many people's lives in his 25 years of sobriety. Attendance was triple what one of our regular meetings usually is - so, in front of about 120 people, I pretended not to be nervous and ran the show. Good acting Norm! In my mind's eye the crowd looked pretty funny sitting in their underwear.

Prior to the meeting I was outside talking with some of the arrivals when Wonder Woman pulled into the drive. I'd invited her to attend at some point last week and while she said she'd consider it, I wasn't fully expecting her to show up. The only other meeting she'd ever attended was my one year medallion. I introduced her around to some of my friends and found her a seat up front. It sounds like she came away with some favourable impressions; I was glad to have her support on a night that was important to me. She left directly after the meeting and after we'd cleaned up the hall I went to a reception at Terry's home for a half hour before coming to work (late).

I was hoping for a quiet night but it wasn't to be. I'd made some headway in my work when a client came to tell me one of his roommates was in serious pain. After talking with the sick fellow for 10 minutes it was clear we needed an ambulance so it was into that whole routine. Calling EMS, collecting treatment info, getting consents signed, bagging medications all while continuing to monitor and assess the guys condition.

One of Lynda's workmates gave her a gift set made around the prose 'Footprints'; including the prose imprinted on a piece of glass, a lapel pin and a key chain. She gave me the keychain - 4 little brass feet in step - cool. So appropriate in that I've been carried a good deal lately.

It seems there's been a cumulative effect on Lynda by what I've said and done, what I've not said and done, and how I've conducted myself though all this. Through dinner I couldn't talk about any topic, could hardly look in her direction without her starting to cry. And I wasn't talking for emotional effect - just conversation. She's having a rough time and says we're going to talk but that she isn't ready. I have no expectation regarding eventual outcome other than it may mean this will be a separation and perhaps not a divorce. But even that is looking too far forward. We need time apart. I need time apart. I didn't know the roller coaster was an endurance event; I'm burnt.

Really BIG News

So much has happened in the last couple of days it's hard to know where to start but....straight to the latest and most important. The townhouse is mine!!!!

I'd been up early to attend a meeting with Lynda's real estate lawyer and we signed off on everything giving her sole ownership of the house. After dropping her back at her workplace I was driving home and got a call from my realtor to say that everything was proceeding with my offer; that info had been conveyed to the mortgage broker and I'd have an answer later Tuesday or on Wednesday. Still on the way home, not 10 minutes later, I got a call from the mortgage broker and he informed me I'd just bought a house!! He's coming to the house Wednesday afternoon to gather some additional information, fill out some forms and it'll be a done deal.

Now I have to admit that my initial reaction was a sort of dumbstruck happiness but as the reality sunk in, as with everything else, there's a process to it. It came to me that for the first time in 3 months I have a reasonable idea of what my immediate future holds - I have somewhere to go. That was huge. And so, happy as I was, there I was leaning over the kitchen sink with tears of relief and joy splatting down the drain. That was the best single minute I've had in ages. (somewhere to go, somewhere to go, somewhere to go......my mantra for the day)

Odd as this may seem; Wonder Woman and I splurged and headed out for a celebratory dinner at Red Lobster and had surf & turf. We had a bit of fun about who should pay and whether we ought to be going dutch or not. I anted up in the end.

On Reflection

I received another thought provoking comment from Robin which she asked me not to post; so I didn't. Something I'd mentioned got her to reflecting and her comment got me thinking. Funny how this works ..... anyway, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about my drinking days but it's a valuable 'touchstone' to revisit from time to time and appreciate the differences, disparities and changes between those times and now. Thank God I don't have to live that 'hell on earth' existence anymore so long as I'm willing to do the things necessary for ongoing recovery.

This process has been very much about reclaiming and recreating my life in order to have a life worth living. Lord knows it was pretty damned bleak toward the end. By then everything had been impacted - home life, all my relations, my ability to work and be employable, cognitive ability, emotionally scattered and corrupt, health impacts, finances. About the only thing I escaped was the law - that was by luck not good management. Drinking defined everything about how I spent my time and eventually it defined 'me'. I drank my identity away.

That first year was about rebuilding and it was an 'iffy' proposition; walking on eggshells along a tightrope. You don't want to be distracted from your objective for fear of that long fall, followed closely by the sudden stop. Fear based recovery where you've been close enough to the edge to see what's over there - and you REALLY don't want to have that as your final destination.

It was physical , mental and emotional recuperation. Rebuilding relationships; at home, with kids and parents, extended family and friends. Not an easy thing to do when many thought relapse was an arms length away. Then looking for work in order to maintain a home and repay drinking debts - that took a long time as it was in the thousands. I really couldn't afford myself; I was an expensive date on a daily basis.

The second year was much better in that I'd made it through some challenging life situations and come out the other side sober. Early confidence building sorts of things; walking the walk. Part way through year two I went back to school for addiction studies and I found that I had my mind back. That's a miracle in itself. I was able to learn new material, to recall it, be intuitive and extrapolate conclusions. The more I learn, the more I realize how much more I have to learn and the hungrier I get for knowledge. The interactions with the other students were valuable as we were all ages and backgrounds and it forced me to re socialize on new levels, outside AA.

Year three showed some progress with emotional issues and that process made clear that I was in need of counselling for a couple of specific issues. I sought out that help in a brief focused therapy that lasted 6 sessions; it was pretty intense, very direct. Apparently that help was just a little too late in regard to where those issues overlapped and involved Lynda's and my relationship. I can live with the fact that I acted on what I came to know and attempted to apply those things. Too little, too late...such a cost.

As I close in on the end of another year I can honestly say, despite the fact I'm hurting on some levels, that I'm happy where I'm at and where it counts most...in my own mind. Why? Well mostly because of the ever deepening , widening spiritual system of beliefs I've invested myself of and that is what gives me oversight in everyday situations. I'm comfortable in my present reality and continue to look forward to the future. I've had some stinkin' thinking, some torment going on from time to time but that hasn't come out in word or action - for that I'm grateful as it gives me less to regret.

In re-reading this it sounds pretty serious, sorta heavy but it isn't. Life is good; it's all about change.

**Addendum** Although the obsession to drink left fairly early, cravings remained a problem for some time especially in particularily 'good' and 'bad' times. It was during the second year that it all became much less about alcohol and drinking per se, and became more about the personality changes and landmark moments toward spiritual awakening. Having done the required work and been through many of the changes it has very little to do with drinking any more (except avoidance of picking up the first one). Drinking rarely crosses my mind and I think that to return to that state would be a conscious decision toward death - a suicide move. A lack of caring for life. I opt for life, health and sanity.

Taa - Daaa!!

........drum roll please.....

Bottom line; I put an offer in on one of the townhouses tonight and so long as my mortgage application goes through, it's mine. I'm almost afraid to mention it just in case I somehow jinx myself but....there you have it. I should hear by Wednesday or Thursday. If I get it, I'd get possession July 6.

It was a close call as I almost walked away; the vendor wouldn't budge from a certain price point that was a little high. The unit covers my needs, time is short and I want to move quickly so I called my agent back later tonight, after I'd thought it through, and told her to submit the offer. What's a couple of thousand dollars one way or the other? I could blow through that much in a heartbeat without even thinking about it. No, really I could. Honest.

And if I happen not to get this one, there are more out there that are a bit less expensive. No worries.

Time Out

I took a rare night off from writing here last night; I occupied myself with setting up a gmail account. Actually, starting the account was no problem - it was when I exported and imported my main contacts list from one email address into the gmail one that I got confused. It was a time consuming affair as all the entries had to be heavily edited one at a time. Then I got into organizing the entries into groups.....family, friends, AA folk and committee contacts, centre staff, business contacts. I've yet to do my blog buddies as that's from another email address and I don't feel like tackling that tonight; soon though. If you comment or check in here with any regularity I'll be sending a group email and (heads up!) it'll contain a request for you to consider. Hmmm...wonder what that can be about?? You'll just have to wait a wee bit and see.

The reason behind the change to gmail is that I'll be giving up my 'home' email address when I move and although I haven't fully checked it out as yet, gmail seems a more comprehensive, featured vehicle than hotmail. (Any input on that?) I haven't decided if I'll maintain the hotmail address connected to this blog or not - probably but not necessarily.

(and I'd simply note the address here but that whole anonymity issue rears it's head again)

Good Day

I managed to get all my running around done by noon but the best part was getting food for tonight's dinner. There's a kiosk in the grocery store where they have a variety of prepared salads and such, and I was feeling like something light. How's this sound - seasoned roasted sweet potatoes with sunflower seeds; bruschetta with a multi-grain french loaf; chicken caesar pasta salad; english cucumber; yellow and red peppers; mini loaves of 'ancient' grains bread slathered with butter. If I'd had more time I'm sure I could have eaten everything that Wonder Woman and #2 stepson left.

Speaking of #2 - he's moving on Sunday into the condo apartment he bought. He's been in a buying frenzy ever since the deal was done. Living room furniture, flat panel TV, a wireless surround sound system, bed and dresser. He and I won't miss each other; two more different people you couldn't imagine.

Back at the ranch.....here at work.....during the week we had a big influx of younger guys so the whole dynamic of the house has changed. As they rebound faster from their use and feel better more quickly, the energy level picks up, and the noise. Personalities come into play and clashes occur. Things should settle out over the weekend as the relationships gel during their free time.

I've been getting keyed up about this medallion meeting I chair on Monday night although I keep reminding myself it's just another day, another meeting. Basically, I don't want to screw up especially since it's an important occasion for Terry and it'll be a big crowd. Oh well, most of them know me and what I'm like so no harm, no foul.

Lynda and I had some laughs today, both on the phone and face to face. I'm pretty sure she still loves me; she just isn't able to acknowledge that in words. Cat got your tongue??

Wild Weather

Around dinner time, while I was looking at those townhomes, a line of severe storms passed through and left quite a mess in their wake. The wind seemed to come from all directions so trees would be bent one way, then tossed in another. They were twitching around so much and so quickly they looked artificially animated; a very strange sight.

We picked our moments in let-ups of the downpour to run from one unit to another. Dierdre took me around to see four of them in the same complex. The first 2 had a couple of things going for them but the last 2 showed better and would need less work; I'd consider putting an offer in on either but there are more in the area to see. It's all about price point, space, upgrades and finishes, and an early closing date. Definitely an early closing.

Driving home was quite a scene with the power knocked out and backups at every intersection as the signal lights were out, too. Branches, leaves and whole trees down everywhere. The storm stopped and skies cleared during the short time I was back home and then it socked right back in again with high winds and driving rain. I hung in at home until the power was restored but just as I left to come to work the sky looked really sick - that greeny/gray/purpley colour that tells you tornadoes are a possibility. During that drive I had one eye on the road; the other on the sky for funnels.

Busy Times

Yesterday was a little frantic once Lynda called about the house deal. I put out calls and emails to my realtor and mortgage broker; then spoke to both of them reaffirming what our criteria are. Then ran out and cut the front lawn and the hilly portion of the back to get that out of the way.

A quick shower and off to an appointment for a physical with my MD. He was really impressed with all my test results (for a guy my age); liver and kidney function, cholesterol, PSA. I'd wanted a chest x-ray and he'd refused at my last appointment but seeing as how I've had this chest cold for almost 3 weeks he wants a look at one now.(g) The rotten bugger also wants to schedule a couple of diagnostic tests that men of a certain age should have - rats!! He was also happy with the fact my blood pressure is in the low normal range as he knows what life has been like lately. I was surprised cuz there have been some days when I've felt like my head was going to blow off.

Straight from there it was off to pick 'Arlo' up for a session. When I arrived his case worker was at his home talking with his foster mom so I got in on that briefly. 'Arlo' is once again on suspension from school and won't be going back this year as the school year is about over; he's lost his year and will have to repeat. Summer school is a possibility but with his attitude not likely.

We went to the art gallery but it was about to close so we opted for an arcade this time out. Hadn't been in one for about a thousand years and it was fun. The machines dispense tickets which you trade in for crappy prizes; I got a top and a big 'punch' balloon. Woo-Hoo!! 'Arlo' decided to get a balloon as well, blew it up and then didn't want to take it with him when I dropped him off with his friends, so we traded. There was a talk in there about his using and all the free time he's going to have on his hands - what to do with that time and maintaining some structure to his days.

Directly from there I came home to pick Lynda up and it was off to get Mom and go to the theatre for a production of 'Annie Warbucks'. None of us were too enthused about going; Lynda and I are both burned out, emotionally raw, not sleeping, etc.....Mom is content these days staying home and doesn't really care to go out much. As it was the final show of the season we went. It was a student production this time drawing teens from area schools and their drama courses. We were all really happy to have gone, it was so well done. The girl who played Annie was remarkable - 12 years old - personality plus, projected really well, confident, knew her role down flat and had a killer voice. The whole production was impressive especially considering the ages of these kids; 12 to 18.

I've been playing with the camera on my cell phone lately and have been getting some pretty cool shots. They've mainly been textural sorts of things without a main subject to them; clouds, brickwork, waves. I've been using them as screensavers and switching them up on a regular basis. If I can figure out how to post them I just might do that.

This was supposed to be a very quick 'update' post but it didn't turn out that way. I have a bunch of running around to do this morning; that x-ray, a prescription, some shopping; so I'd best get cleaned up and go. I need to get some sack time this afternoon as I'm back at work tonight and it'll be way too long if I don't get some rest. Oh yeah - we're going out around dinner time to look at a couple of townhouses, too. Here we go..........busy, busy!! Pitter patter - let's get at 'er!!

It Is Time....

...to hit the deck running.

Just off the phone with Lynda.....she'd applied for her mortgage last night and quickly got in to a real estate lawyer this morning. Everything is suddenly coming together,... finally. The 'hurry up and wait' period seems to be over so the ball is back in my court and I can get on with things. Hallelujah!!!!

Cross your fingers and say a little prayer. This has been a long time coming.....Whew!!

Mixed Emotions.....

...in being of service.

A gal I know slightly through the program called me early yesterday. Her physician's office had called her to see if she knew where they could refer a patient for treatment. I was able to provide her with contact info for our intake and assessment offices, and overall treatment and program info for her to convey back to the doctor.

I saw her at a meeting last night, at which she'd been reluctantly drafted to speak by my g'friend (and her sponsor) Audrey. She wound up doing a great job - not in her perception, but in everyone else's. We were talking afterward and as I was about to head for the car she stopped me to say that the doctor's office had contacted her again to say they'd acted on the information she'd given them and the patient is entering treatment tomorrow - either our location or the other men's residence in downtown Toronto. Now that was a 'feelgood' moment.

On the other hand....

I contacted a family member 'A' yesterday about their spouse 'B' and their ongoing abuse of alcohol. I'd witnessed yet another incident a couple of weeks ago that had been playing on my mind and decided I needed to act on it. There was no way to predict what the reaction might be but they were receptive and thankful not to be acting in isolation - and that's a huge relief. We're getting our heads together to see if we can't get an intervention happening and we're exploring whether formal treatment might be an option. 'B' is particularly resistant to looking at changing how he uses alcohol and if and when I get involved in this - it'll change the nature, for good or ill, of our relationship forever. That doesn't feel good at all but better to intervene than sit back and watch him die.

Balancing Act

That would best describe how I'm trying to manage these days, I suppose. Some work then a break, a mix of the practical then something social, thinking things through gives way to action and then a rest.

I'm making some headway in getting some packing done but not so much as I would like; I get distracted easily by some of the things I'm coming across. Little trips down memory lane....what to keep, what to chuck....

My work with Arlo has hit a blip as he has no-showed for our last 3 arranged meetings, since that one particularly good one where I thought we'd made a breakthrough. That may be some resistance finally coming through; a little defiance at getting too close to the problem / solution. We'll see how Thursday's session goes - if he shows.

I've hit a meeting each night this week and I'm staying tight with the people I know best; talking out the ongoing issues. Hung out in the parking lot after my home group meeting for over an hour yacking on Monday night. I'd spent an hour and a half on the phone Monday talking with a guy I know in similar circumstance and ran into him at a meeting last night. Did a quicky check on how each other is coping. His lady friend entered our women's treatment centre on Monday to try and get herself sorted out on the way to recovery.

Lynda and I continue to hit snags, have upset, then get our heads together and sort out the messes. And that's a good thing. I presented her with an idea she's considering acting on. Seeing as how all her perceptions of me are centred around our home life (in that she isn't allowed to see me at my work; has never involved herself in my 'AA' life) I've invited her to be a 'fly on the wall' and attend my home group meeting next week just to see how it is that I interact with the people there and also the residents from the 'house' ( who will also be attending). It's going to be a special night in that it's a medallion presentation for my friend Terry, in honour of his 25 years of continuous sobriety, and he has honoured me by asking me to chair the meeting. I think it'll be an eye-opener for Lynda that may shift some of her perceptions and see me in a somewhat different light. I've gone through some substantial changes in the last couple of years but she seems stuck in 'what was'. Anyway, she surprised me by saying that she might just take me up on it and attend. We'll see.

Yesterday I spent several hours with Mom running her to appointments, doing some shopping and going out for a bite to eat. She's a blast; we had fun. I have to keep reminding her she doesn't have to rush though - that she's with me, not my sister. Slow down Mabel, this isn't a race for God's sake - you'll wear yourself out!

The other main thing I've been doing is trying to get through to the various utilities and services to get my name off the accounts regarding the house. I don't so much mind automated phone services but I hate these new 'voice' ones that want a response and then repeat everything back to you for confirmation. Bloody timewasters that annoy the hell out of me and usually mis-direct the call anyway. I just keep hitting buttons until a human being comes on the line.

I've been spending some time reading too and splitting that time between Patty Duke's autobiography dealing with her bi-polar condition, and Emmet Fox's "Sermon on the Mount". Duke's book is well done and alternates chapters of her story with informational ones written by a psychiatrist regarding bi-polar and other serious disorders in that 'family'. I'm finding Fox's book to be a grind; a tough read. My problem with it is the way in which it's written; the language is archaic and he overuses run-on sentences - a lot. I find I have to break the sentences down and take out all his qualifiers to start making sense of what he's trying to say. Still, I'm getting a lot out of it and can see why it's been so strongly recommended as a spiritual guide.

It's time to stop reflecting on things and start getting some practical sort of work done. As my Scots boss would say - Have a BRILLIANT day!!

Remember the Old Song???

'I am Slowly Going Crazy.....'

I'm relating heavily to that one as a result of the mixed messages I'm getting. Most times when we're together she's aloof but there are moments when it gets real and personal and obviously caring again. Anytime we get into real issues and start talking about emotional sorts of things she tears up, then clams up and shuts down. She's experiencing one big hurt; I get the hurt plus a thousand unanswered questions. Oy, my poor achin' head.

There is supposed to be another talk coming which, from what I'm gleaning, is going to include some sort of disclosure. I need to be right-minded in how to receive that - whatever it may be.

An area of Lynda's personality which has always been closed off is where she's unable to admit wrong, to disclose, to apologize or ask forgiveness. That just doesn't happen so, I need to be very careful if that should come to pass and address her need not my feelings about it. Dicey situation.

In the meantime, I'm off to spend the day with Mom before meeting up with young 'Arlo' for another session.

I'm Back!!!

My blogging ability was shut down for a few days by Blogger so there a number of posts to backtrack through. Happy reading; I'll be into writing a new post in the morning likely.

Sunday Night - Safe Home

It's been a day of ease. I was dispatched early from work, was in my bed just after 6 a.m. and read a little more of Emmet Fox's 'Sermon on the Mount' before shutting out the light. It was the best sleep I've had in weeks - deep and solid - and I didn't get up until about 3 p.m. Lord, I needed that. Skipped coffee, had a couple of cups of hot black tea and a very long hot shower. Still trying to clear my chest and sinuses - seems to be a case of the galloping crud.


There were a few tense moments when Wonder Woman arrived home from her mis-spent weekend but it ain't my problem anymore. See, when I climbed into bed this morning I took my wedding band off and put it in a drawer. I said I'd wear it until I no longer 'felt' married. I've arrived at that point. We had dinner together/apart - (at the same time/different rooms) - after which I spread a bunch of my folders and papers out on the bed so I could get some organization happening. So many things on the go that it gets out of hand very quickly.


I followed through and attended a particular meeting tonight that I'd wanted to get to for quite awhile. There are a number of members I know there and it was good to have time before and after the meeting to spend some time talking with them. (3 hours for a one hour meeting) The fellow who had given me a copy of the 'Big Book' of AA at my very first meeting was there and we were laughing about the condition I was in when I arrived a few years ago. Sad, sick, spent, sorry and not too sober. Pretty miserable actually in all aspects. Nice to be able to laugh at ourselves now. I gave a new guy a ride home on my way home. I've seen him most nights for the last couple of weeks and he says he's hitting 2 or 3 meetings a day. The physical and mental changes in him are huge already and it's great to see.

It's time to sit down with a book for awhile and then see if I can't get some more rest. It's going to be a busy week.

Hope-Less

This is a very quick turnaround from just the other day but.....

Some time ago I said here that Lynda can take many things from me, everything except hope. I'm still sure of that. She hasn't taken it from me but as a result of recent events I have resigned it; it simply isn't realistic anymore to be hopeful. Sad.


This isn't a blanket statement but it's unlikely that I'll be referring to her again in these writings; not very much anyway. Maybe I should give her a pseudonym; how about 'Wonder Woman'?? As in: I 'Wonder' what happened to the 'Woman' I used to know? Cuz I haven't seen her lately.


More delays in Lynda getting her final legal appointment, which delays her mortgage application, which delays transfer of the land title, which means I'm not going anywhere very soon. It can't posssibly be soon enough.

**Update** She managed to get in to her lawyer today, Monday, and everything is signed off! To the bank Wednesday.**


I have options. Places where I can stay a few days at a time if things get seriously whacked. I'll be concentrating this week on packing (which I've been procrastinating about), squeezing in my part-time work and hitting lots of meetings, staying social and talking to the people I know.

It'll be a short week off as I'm filling in a couple of shifts at weeks end for the guy I share my job with - I'll be coming in for a 9 night stretch. 95+ hours. (Lord give me strength)

Mini-Crisis

Generally speaking I'm able to manage how I think and how I feel pretty well. I've been provided with a variety of tools and have learned a few of my own that work for me, that allow me to manage my states of mind.


The qualifier there is 'generally'. The other day there was an incident, an event that was on continuous re-play over and over through my mind well on into the night and eventually it had taken it's toll. None of the things that I applied to it were doing the trick this time. My mood sailed straight down and I was in the pit. I'd also gotten really agitated so that wasn't a good combination - anxious and depressed. One of the things that is stressed and reinforced to us is that when we get in these states, we mustn't isolate; we need to reach out.


I was in a quandary though. Although I know hundreds of 'program' people around here I don't know too many that would be thrilled to hear from me at 3 a.m. In one of my all too rare flashes of brilliance I thought of time-shifting; of someone who ought to be just getting up to start the day in their part of the world. It was worth a try....so I dashed off a quick email to see if they were handy to their computer and in two minutes I had a reply. So lucky!! I was treated to exactly what I needed; some valuable outside perspective on the situation and heartfelt advice. With 6 or 8 emails back and forth over a 20 minute period I was restored to a semblance of sanity, if not serenity.


That's one of the things I love about 'blogdom'. Over the course of time by reading folks blogs, by commenting publicly on each others posts and emailing each other privately for the more personal stuff we come to know one another and to care about those in our little community. Even when we're half a world apart we can and do help one another. I was the grateful recipient of some of that help on this black night.


Thank you; I'm glad you're out there.

Blog Lock-Down

I imagine these posts will appear all at once eventually but just in case you've missed me; here's why.........


Friday after I got up I'd made a couple of replies to posted comments which published alright, then started putting together the fStop Friday one. When I hit 'publish' a notice flashed up saying my blog had been locked-down by Blogger's 'spam prevention robots'. A 'human' is supposed to review content here within 72 hours and determine whether this is a spam blog or not. So,... Friday, Saturday, Sunday, hmmm....weekend in there.....could be Monday or Tuesday before this is freed up again.


Strange feeling - like being bound, tied, gagged and claustrophobic. Maybe a little paranoid, too.

fStop Friday

High humidity and major haze in this 'giants re-visited' shot from this mornings ride home.

I can never remember the name of this type of shrub but they are in full bloom and seem to be everywhere. Love the cascade effect.

My favourite lady on the planet; my Mom, Mabel.

Mugging for the camera. An important young lady who shall go nameless. I just like the shot.

Woo-Hoo!! Showing off - I figured out how to rotate (it couldn't possibly have been easier) this one of Owen and couldn't resist looking at his handsome face again. 'Cheese!'

On The Spot

Directly after our outside meeting had wrapped up we were standing outside talking when one of our newest admissions came walking toward me. He had a strange pent-up expression on his face as though he wanted to say something but was unable to. Suddenly he twirled in a circle and went down in a full grand mal alcoholic seizure, smacking his head off the pavement. Lord, does that ever snap you to attention. These sorts of things don't happen very often but bang, you're into automatic care giving mode. Time check, how long do the convulsions last?, check pupils, is he able to breathe?, cushion head, clear area, call emergency services, call the residence and get information on medical conditions and any medications, as he regains consciousness reassure and comfort, does he respond to questions?

Thankfully I had good assistance and within 10 minutes was able to hand off to ambulance personnel. They were able to quickly stabilize him, make their evaluation and assessment, and then prepare him for transport to hospital. He's had a full work up there and is okay, T.G.

I only wish he'd been a little closer when it came on - I might have been able to catch him and save him a very sore head.